Ruby

It was Friday, time for the weekend to spend time with my best friend and relax. The events of the last few months had caused heartache and stress. Mark’s friend had now been charged with the theft of ‘Baby Blue’ and tonight Freda and me are once again performing in the pub.

Life at the Red Lion pub has changed. Rosie had baby James, and father Freddie, is now wanting to spend time with them. It had been a rocky time for Rosie and on reflection I knew I should have made more time for her. Living between here and the New Forest I had neglected others that I once would have supported.

It’s at times like this that the reality of life hits me. I’m not seeing Mark this weekend so I have time alone with Freda. Time for just her and me. Taking Rex for a walk through the woods, chatting and kicking the leaves, I feel a sense of freedom. The sun casts shadows on the woodland floor as Freda rambles on about her musical aspirations. Sensing her sadness, I try to listen. A deep-set loneliness, has meant she is putting more energy into her writing.

Freda is talented, I can sing but she can write. Beautiful words that make audiences sit up and want to listen. Her sadness though has started to show and I’m now wondering how to help her. I’m her best friend but I’m realising I’ve neglected her these last few months. She lives alone with Rex, nights of having no one to talk to when I have been busy with Mark.

Watching her now I can see the beautiful woman she always has been. Brown hair tied back in a pony tail holding on tightly to the lead as her Labrador pulls her along. Grabbing her arm now, I urge her to stop. I needed her to talk to me about something more than her music, and dreams of performing at the Albert Hall. I needed to know what else was happening.

Freda

It has been many months since I was found unconscious by Ruby. The counselling didn’t help as I felt that she was talking down to me. Ruby and my music are my support but I haven’t spoken about my feelings in a long time and Ruby hasn’t asked. It’s as if she met Mark and I then took a back seat. They have always tried to involve me but things between us just aren’t the same. Walking with her now I can see she’s missing him. It’s him she wants to be with not me and Rex. I’m stunned now as she grabs me and asks me to stop.

“What?” Frustrated, I look at her. I see my friend and I can see that something is not right. Feeling deflated, I feel a pain in the bottom of my stomach.
“Come on Freda, let’s sit down, there’s a bench over here, we need to talk.”
“We are talking.” I just want to keep walking. I hadn’t noticed that we had reached the woodland picnic area until now. She touched both my arms as if she was about to hug me.
“Come on, sit down.” Reaching into her bag, Ruby produced two bottles of Coca Cola. She was always the organised one, and liked to be prepared.
“Okay, what’s up?” I asked, opening my drink.

“Walking and listening to you, I’ve realised something.”
“What?”
“Freda, I am so sorry. I do love you, you know that don’t you. You are my best friend and always will be.”
“What about Mark?”
“That’s a different sort of love. Come on there’s always been Ruby and her best friend Freda, and there always will be. I’ve realised that I’ve neglected you and I haven’t been there for you. I’ve been so preoccupied with me and Mark that I haven’t made time for us.”

Freda’s feelings

I sipped the warm coke, feeling the bubbles going down my throat. What could I say? She had neglected me and I had felt lonely for months.  However, I couldn’t expect her to put her life on hold for me.
“Ruby, life moves on and you have Mark. We can’t stay in just a Ruby and Freda bubble forever. You don’t want to be an old spinster do you? So please don’t feel guilty. You need to live your life.”
“Okay, Freda, so what is happening with you, really?”
“Nothing, I’m just playing my keyboard and writing music, I’m busy”.

I could feel my unhappiness tumbling out but I didn’t want to tell Ruby. I need to be strong. She won’t always be there for me, especially if she moves to the New Forest. What sort of friend would I be if I give Ruby any reason to give up on Mark and their future.

“I can see and hear that you are not happy. What can I do to help you? I’m your friend, what can I do?”
I wanted to scream at her, to stop her leaving me. I could feel the tears trying to get out. Fears that I didn’t want Ruby to know about. Fears that I had tried my best to bury. I knew that Mark made her happy, I couldn’t stand in her way, but then I said it anyway, word vomit, it just fell out.

“I’m scared Ruby. I’m scared you will move away for good, marry Mark and have babies. Right now, the only thing not leaving me is my music. I can depend on that, when Mark’s friends aren’t stealing it. I know it won’t leave me, but I know you will. We will no longer play music at the Red Lion. You have changed Ruby. I’m sorry but you have. I love you too and I’m worried and scared, I need you”.

Ruby

I stared at her. That was it, I really had hurt her. I could completely see how and why. Moving to the New Forest was not in my future plans. I was hoping if things did get that serious that he would move in with me, not me with him. I had no intentions of leaving Freda despite the amount of weekends that I had spent away from her.

We sat in silence both drinking our drinks and I now reached into my bag for tissues. Tears were flowing freely down her face. I didn’t like to mention her ex-boyfriend Chris, who had hurt her so badly. Neither enter into a conversation about finding the right man for her. This wasn’t the right time, but it had never been the right time. Mark had mentioned setting her up with his mate but I had said no she is too fragile and not ready.

Was she ready? Looking at her now. I saw a lonely woman, someone who needed someone special. For a long time, I had been her someone but I now needed to think of Mark as well. As much as I want to be there for Freda, I know I can’t always do it. Life changes and priorities change. She has always been a priority but Mark was a priority now too.

“Freda, I’m not going anywhere. I have no plans to move to the New Forest. Also, I don’t see you alone forever. You will find someone special and maybe have a family.”
“Don’t be daft, who is going to want me? I will be the old lady with her dogs one day.” She looked down and stroked Rex’s head. He looked up at her as if knowing she was sad.
“You are an attractive woman, you will find someone”.
“After Chris I don’t want anyone. I couldn’t stand getting hurt again.”

Freda and Rosie

“We will discuss it again when you are ready. , I’m going nowhere apart from the Red Lion in a couple of hours with you. I also need to talk to Rosie and check her, Freddie and James are okay. She is someone else I’ve neglected.”

“She’s alright, Rosie has had her problems but she is making the most of being a good mum. Freddie has done a lot of growing up”.
I was surprised, “I didn’t know you had been in the pub.”

“Rosie messages me, I gave her my number months ago as I could see she needed to talk and you were busy.”
“Wow, okay, I didn’t know that.” I was stunned, I felt on the outside now. What did I expect? I had focused so much attention on Mark, why shouldn’t Freda look out for Rosie?

The daylight was now fading and the trees were no longer casting their shadows,

“We will talk again later, come on finish your drink we need to get out of this wood.”

As Freda stood up, I walked around to her side of the table. Stretching out my arms I gave her a hug. Feeling her warmth against me, I knew that I needed to talk to Mark. Balancing the two of the most important people in my life is not going to be easy but I need to do it.

Written for Grammys Grid first sentence – It was Friday, time for the weekend

For more see, A secret music and retribution – part 9. This is part 10.