Parenting
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ADHD and me
ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Why give this the name of Deficit and Disorder?
All my life I’ve thought there is something really wrong with me. I struggled through school and had very few friends. I’m told that I was a very naughty child. Now as an adult I no longer see my school friends, they are on Facebook, they see each other but not me, why?
I know why. I am that person who will hide in the corner rather then join in. I have so much racing around my head at any time that going out and socialising can become very overwhelming. I’m sat here now, alone in the kitchen, typing on my tablet. This post if I do get it finished will be tidied up sometime in the future.
So, with all my thoughts of what is wrong with me. My nine year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD. We are very alike, when she screams at me, I completely understand her. I try and just let her shout and scream, it’s pointless me shouting back. I can remember being shouted at years ago and not knowing what I had done wrong. This made me very upset and still does.
Emotional regulation and ADHD
I was always told that tears don’t solve everything, my school reports often said that I did not listen. There is ADHD right there, completely inattentive and I possibly had some Hyperactivity too. If I had been living my daughters life rather then my own, my life would have been so very different.
Last Wednesday my daughter forgot to take her medication,. She cried through English and maths , she just could not focus. I took her meds into school for her but by that time she was already very stressed and wound up and her bad day continued. I can remember sitting in school unable to do the work. There were no teaching assistants back then. My homework I often didn’t do because I couldn’t do it. Now, I’m obsessed with homework and ensure that both my children do it. I don’t want them growing up like me.
I left school with GCSEs feeling completely stupid. Rather then doing a course and progressing in my job I did A levels at evening class psychology and Sociology, I was scared of failing. I then did a degree, six years later I graduated. I also retook my maths GCSE and got it. However, today I do a different job but I’m on the same pay scale as the job I was doing before I started my evening classes. Is this ADHD or just life? I do get overwhelmed but I create my own systems to deal with it . I’ve lived with it all my life so just continue to muddle on.
Living vicariously
I now try and focus very much on my children. I don’t want them making the same mistakes as me. Do I have ADHD? Watching and listening to my nine year old, I’m sure that I do. Was I a naughty child? Possibly no more than my daughter. She is hard work but I don’t think she is meaning to be naughty, she just likes a mess. She will often make me smile as I see alot of myself in her.
Stigma of ADHD
So many people do not understand it. Many people do not understand me, but I do understand my daughter. Maybe that’s what really matters I have her back and always will and she is doing her best working with it.
I’m trying to get back to my blog and writing but so much is going round my mind right now. ADHD makes me a good creator, my nine year old definitely is. The felt flower in the photo was sewn together by her, with no help from me. Hopefully, this is a good positive and I will get back to my writing soon, till then I will just keep muddling through.
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A different world and our changed lives
Netflix
I’m sat here again watching Netflix, Designated Survivor. Kiefer Sutherland makes a very good President. I remember him in Flatliners, a very different role. I’m glad that despite the terrible time right now I can escape into the world of Netflix.
Life right now is a world away from a year ago. Many people seem to have continued life as normal, following restrictions but still happy to attend gyms and restaurants. My husband was asked to shield in March, so from then on we stayed at home, until shielding was paused in August. I’m lucky that we all get on, but now in October I fear going any-where. The children are happy being back at school, but I’m scared in the supermarket and seeing friends.
A different world
The world is very different to the world back in February / March when I last freely walked about. A week ago, I had to go to the post office and despite wearing my mask I got told off because it is a maximum of two people in at a time. It hadn’t occurred to me that there would be such a restriction. My anxiety rose when I noticed that a customer near me was not wearing her mask properly.
There seems to be a divide between those that were shielded and remained at home and those that went about their daily lives. It’s been hard for all, but right now I’m worried and desperate for my husband to be shielded again. He’s happy at work but the figures are rising. Can we really trust track and trace? And was the government really advised to lockdown for three weeks? And yes I’m aware our economy and jobs are a huge factor with locking down. How bad is this situation going to get before there is a safe vaccine being distributed?
This year has not been the one anyone expected. It has been hard and stressful, I’ve struggled with my writing and reading, and Netflix seems to have taken over my evenings. It has brought more time with my children and husband, but we shut ourselves away for months. At the end of July, we found out that my dad is terminally ill. A young man and healthy and now in October he’s weak and frail. Point is none of us know how long we have left. My poor dad is scared and not ready, he’s had all his future plans swept away from him and COVID-19 has made this all so much worse.
The children
Both the children enjoyed being at home for months, but where my son worked hard my daughter did very little. They are happy being back at school, happy seeing their friends and both working hard. The school has a one-way system with arrows and class bubbles. However, surely with siblings the bubbles are mixing. I really hope that for the sake of the children that the risk is low, but I read of so many worried teachers, especially those that were shielding, the fear is real.
My achievements this year
I have continued writing and have been productive, (please note that anything purchased through my blog will earn me commission which will help to pay for my blogs).
I am a contributing author to the following:
MJ Mallon’s – This is Lockdown.
Living during the Coronavirus Pandemic – my reflective piece set next year on COVID 19, helping to raise money for NHS Charities Together.
Dimensions of Paranormal volume one – Anthology for Writers Unite
Dimensions of Paranormal volume two
I’m still writing my western story for the Writers Unite Western anthology. I’ve felt rejection this year but its nice to be part of the books that I have been included in. I’ve got no further with my time travel novel. My confidence in it has taken a dive but I do need to finish my first draft properly, and then it needs a full rewrite.
I have developed the monthly stories on my blog but haven’t kept up with publishing at marianwood.com. Two blogs and my newsletter are too much to keep up with at the moment.
Today
From previous posts you will know that my children are not easy. My seven-year-old is now happy to walk on tables and is a master with the hot glue. She loves creating and today climbed and found some red nail varnish. The consequence was a heart drawn on her bed sheet, red finger-nails, varnish on my bedroom rug and a care bear. I’m proud of her being so creative but it comes with a stressful price.
My son is content staring at a screen. Nothing broken but it’s not healthy either and the arguments on reading carry on.
Now we are living a day at a time, things could look very different a week from now. I can’t imagine a world with my dad not in it, but I think I’m soon going to find out.
So, how is life with you? Have you been writing? And how has COVID 19 affected you?
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Back to school, life in a pandemic
Back to school
The events of the last year have been testing for all of us. Enforced lockdowns, restrictions and now the children are back to school on Thursday 3rd September. I have enjoyed home schooling but now is the time for proper out of the house, school. My daughter is excited, she would go right this minute if I could take her now. My nine-year-old is not as happy. When lockdown happened, he had only been at his new school a month so hadn’t had time to build new friendships. Since March he has spoken with a friend from his old school on a regular basis. He will miss chatting with her on Thursday.
School preparations
I’ve ordered most of their uniform online. With supermarket delivery it was easily added to the order. Argos with Sainsburys TU offers delivery to home within days. School shoes ordered online from the Clark’s Outlet. At the moment I’m still avoiding shops as much as I can.
(Please note anything purchased through my blog offers me a small amount of commission at no extra charge to you which help to pay for my blogs.)
Bento box
My seven-year-old is now going into year three, key stage two, which means the UK government no longer provide her dinner. Unlike my son she is a super snacker. She will happily help herself to salad and fruit from the fridge. The Bento box cube and Bento lunch (UK, below) offer different compartments for food, so sandwiches go in one place and the fruit and veg – cucumber, tomato, pepper in another. She has a healthy appetite which is better than my sons two chocolate spread sandwiches and a yogurt daily. We have added snacks and fruit to his lunch but he rarely eats it. However, as he sees his sister’s lunchbox maybe he will follow her healthier attitude.
Thoughts
I’m nervous about them returning but will also be relieved for some quiet time. They need school, the routine and the learning. My daughter has said she loves science. She loves to experiment and make a mess for mummy! She can make a mess for her teacher instead.
All the hype in the media about schools and the R number. The very valid concerns from teachers. The arguments for and against children wearing masks. These all add to my anxieties as a parent. Especially one who has been shielding a vulnerable husband since March.
I can’t keep the children off school that would be cruel and my daughter is very excited about going back. We have no option, but try not to project, to work a day at a time. Try and trust that if an outbreak does happen then the scientists and government will do something. My faith is wearing thin but we can’t do much else.
School
The school have adopted a one-way system, with white lines along the corridors. The year groups are being kept in their own bubbles and the teachers are not allowed closer then two metres to the children. I’m sure if a child is upset, they would have no choice but comfort them. I’m not sure what the rules are on this and I know my children could be the first to try and hug their teachers on Thursday. They are going to both be pleased to see them. I’m not sure how teachers will handle this as I’m sure many would normally enjoy and even appreciate the hug.
There will be staggered start and finish times, and the classes are entering and exiting through different doors in efforts to keep parents and children apart and distanced.
‘New normal’
So, what is the ‘New normal’? I don’t like this phrase and find it scary. This August we haven’t been far as I’ve been too fearful to go out. The virus is still out there and people don’t always know they are carriers. We have been for a few walks, but our usual trips to the city shops, fish and chips and the library haven’t happened. I think we last did this in the February holidays. A time before the threat of Corona virus in the UK.
I hope that as the children get back to school it doesn’t affect the R rate too much. The predictions say it will. I don’t want to worry about it every time I step outside my front door. The mask wearing though is a constant reminder that life is no longer the same.
Today
For now, it’s a day at a time. Return to school Thursday and we are ready, just the lunchboxes to make Wednesday night. I’m still working from home which I’m very grateful for. I’m happy talking on the telephone, things are still different for now.
I’m currently working on a western short story for a Writers Unite wild west Anthology, (5000 words max). I have completed the first draft, I now need to go back and redraft it. I’m aware that I need to do more showing then telling. Writing the western has helped to keep my mind of other life events, such as COVID -19 and back to school.
So how are you? Are your children/ grandchildren / or teaching.. back to school this week? Are they already back? What are your thoughts?
Take care all!
For more see, School holidays and plans during a pandemic
A plan and a model for murder – for Writers Unite photo prompt
Tea, sympathy and a need to fix things – for Blog Battle – Tea
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