Money does not bring happiness

Sitting here thinking and reflecting, I watched the steam coming off my tea. Where is my life going? I have a steady job, I can do what I want. My finances are stable. However, I don’t feel happy. They say money does not bring happiness. Well, they are right, it doesn’t.

I have nights feeling so alone that sometimes not waking up would be a blessing. If I wanted to quit my job tomorrow and move to Rome I could. Daddy saw to that, more money than sense, a well-paid businessman. My flat is paid for, there is no mortgage. Effectively I actually don’t need to work, but going to work gives me sanity.

I work as a solicitor, a very responsible job, it keeps my brain busy but it does not quieten the loneliness. I am thirty now, no children and no partner. All my friends have babies, all they talk about is lack of sleep and nappies. I’ve given up on them, we no longer have anything in common.

Sometimes I think yes I’m financially stable, but not sure if I’m mentally stable. However, antidepressants are not for me so I just try to focus on my clients. I try and smile and laugh when necessary despite dying inside. Life can be very hard and unfair. It often feels that the only person who cares about me is me. And sometimes I wonder if I really care, who is me anyway?

As a child, if I was upset, daddy would always buy me something. I was a spoilt child and people would say I didn’t want for anything. Problem is I did. I did want for something. The love of my parents. They were more interested in the business, no time for me, no trips to the beach or shopping arcade. We had holidays, but they were grand holidays always abroad. I’ve never spent a night in a tent or a caravan.  True happiness is an emotion that I have rarely felt.

I wanted to be like my friends, have parents that would tuck me into bed at night and read to me. To even be told no once in a while.  My childhood loneliness led to me focusing on my books and getting good grades for university. Maybe a positive, but I’ve been unhappy for years. I think my unhappiness comes across in my persona.  Why else am I alone?

So, something needs to change. I don’t care about money, I want what others have, someone who really cares for me, some happiness.  It’s not asking too much, someone to talk to late at night, someone to philosophise with and debate. Maybe even have children with one day. However, where is he? Mr Right is taking his time to find me. They say good things come to those who wait, well I’m waiting.

 * * * * * * * *
Ryan was young, late twenties, tall with brown hair and blue eyes. He could have his pick of the women but he was fussy.  He had had only one girlfriend and she had left him heartbroken.  He now wanted a lady he could depend on, someone who wanted him for him. He wanted some happiness. Working as a delivery man he was not sure if his job was really stable but it was a job. It helped to cover his rent and bills.

He had been having a bad day, trying to get his van down narrow country roads and scraping it on hedges. Too many houses with names rather than numbers and no phone number to phone to say “hi I’m lost, where are you.” He had been relieved to get out of the country and head for the town.

Paying at the pay and display he fumbled for the correct change. A minimum payment of £1.20. What a complete rip off he thought. A hard worker all his life, redundancy had led him to here. A qualified engineer struggling to find a job, for now delivering parcels. The economy was not stable, hence his boss selling his company and many layoffs. Wondering where life was taking him he collected the parcel from the back of the van. It was addressed to, ‘Miss Christina Smithson, May and Williams.’

Now jogging he headed into town. Finding the office in the town centre. Walking in he saw a smiling, blonde-haired receptionist who was talking on the telephone. He stood and waited, annoyed that she had not even acknowledged him. His patience was wearing thin as it sounded like she was talking to a friend.

Stood waiting he was going to give up when he saw an attractive lady walking towards him. She appeared to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, but he could see her inner beauty. Wanting to speak to her, he stopped her saying,
“Hi, I’m Ryan, I have a parcel”

* * * * * * * *
I had been in a daze all morning. I had been waiting for the new James Patterson novel to be delivered to me. What I hadn’t expected was for Julie to just ignore him. I would have words with her later. I put on a smile and took my parcel. The delivery man was really quite attractive. I wondered what daddy would say if I brought him home.
“Thank you, I’m Christina, it’s a new book release.”
“Oh, what book?
“James Patterson”

Ryan was not a fan of Patterson but he did like the look of Christina.
“Sorry do you have a pen?”
“Here, why?”
“You’ll see and please just pass me back your parcel.”

What was happening here? I watched as he scribbled down his name and number. I could feel myself shaking, had he really just given me his phone number?
“Here you go Christina, here’s my number, I know we have only just met but if you want to talk, call me.”
I took back my parcel, and shaking said “Okay thanks.”

I watched him as he left. A delivery driver, but money is not everything. Do I take a chance here? He was very nice looking and could be a chance at happiness, I knew daddy would not approve but this is not his life, it’s mine, and I’ve been unhappy long enough.

Julie looked up, having watched our conversation, she opened her mouth.  Blushing now I said,

“sssshh.”

“But Chrissy, a cute delivery driver.” I walked back to my desk smiling, I deserved some happiness.  Maybe things were about to get better.

Written for Blogbattle Stable

For more see, The man in the moon. written for Blog battle – Corona