ADHD and me

ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Why give this the name of Deficit and Disorder?

All my life I’ve thought there is something really wrong with me. I struggled through school and had very few friends.  I’m told that I was a very naughty child. Now as an adult I no longer see my school friends, they are on Facebook, they see each other but not me, why?

I know why.  I am that person who will hide in the corner rather then join in.  I have so much racing around my head at any time that going out and socialising can become very overwhelming.  I’m sat here now, alone in the kitchen, typing on my tablet.  This post if I do get it finished will be tidied up sometime in the future.

So, with all my thoughts of what is wrong with me.  My nine year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD.  We are very alike, when she screams at me, I completely understand her.  I try and just let her shout and scream, it’s pointless me shouting back.  I can remember being shouted at years ago and not knowing what I had done wrong.  This made me very upset and still does.

Emotional regulation and ADHD

I was always told that tears don’t solve everything,  my school reports often said  that I did not listen.  There is ADHD right there, completely inattentive and I possibly had some Hyperactivity  too.  If I had been living my daughters life rather then my own, my life would have been so very different.

Last Wednesday my daughter forgot to take her medication,.  She cried through English and maths , she just could not focus.  I took her meds into school for her but by that time she was already very stressed and wound up and her bad day continued.  I can remember sitting in school unable to do the work.  There were no teaching assistants back then.  My homework I often didn’t do because I couldn’t do it.  Now, I’m obsessed with homework and ensure that both my children do it.  I don’t want them growing up like me.

I left school with GCSEs feeling completely stupid.  Rather then doing a  course and progressing in my job I did A levels at evening class psychology and Sociology,  I was scared of failing.  I then did a degree, six years later I graduated.  I also retook my maths GCSE and got it.  However, today I do a different job  but I’m on the same pay scale as the job I was doing before I started my evening classes.  Is this ADHD or just life?  I do get overwhelmed but I create my own systems to deal with it .  I’ve lived with it all my life so just continue to muddle on.

Living vicariously

I now try and focus very much on my children.  I don’t want them making the same mistakes as me.  Do I have ADHD?  Watching and listening to my nine year old, I’m sure that I do.  Was I a naughty child?  Possibly no  more than my daughter.  She is hard work but I don’t think she is meaning to be naughty, she just likes a mess.  She will often make me smile as I see alot of myself in her.

Stigma of ADHD

So many people do not understand it.  Many people do not understand me, but I do understand my daughter.  Maybe that’s what really matters   I have her back and always will and she is doing her best working with it.

I’m trying to get back to my blog and writing but so much is going round my mind right now.  ADHD makes me a good creator, my nine year old definitely is.  The felt flower in the photo was sewn together by her, with no help from me. Hopefully, this is a good positive and I will get back to my writing soon, till then I will just keep muddling through.