As the night closed in, I sat and watched. Looking at the lights across town flicker on I like this time of the evening.  Dusk, the time between day and night, dusk as the sun goes down. As the shops close their doors and lights come on in houses. The hustle and bustle of the traffic as people leave work and return home to their families.

I am happy for now, just to watch, to live vicariously watching other’s experiences. To young to be a mum or have a successful career, too young to have such responsibilities. I have a rented flat, no boyfriend, no ties. I am a free spirit, I can do what I want, when I want. Dreams of travelling, dreams of writing, dreams of singing, dreams of appearing on television. Trying to keep my heart and aspirations in check I really could do anything.

Dusk for me is a time that I will sit and reflect. Trying to learn from past set backs and sadness, motivating myself to carry on. A bad experience was the time I sang in the local pub, for all the regulars. I thought I sounded fantastic, but not one person clapped me, just stunned silence. Maybe I should not have sang, Duran Duran’s ‘Hungry like the Wolf’ Maybe, they did not like the do, do, do, do’s, or maybe I scared them all, maybe it’s not something that they expected from a 5ft 6 blonde girl. Perhaps, I need to re think what songs I sing.

I have written novels but so far no one is interested. I’m not giving up though. I will keep going because some day somebody will have to take me seriously. I am truly a rising star. Getting up now, I put my empty coke can in the bin and started to walk home. Walking down the hill now on a mission to get home.

I share my flat with my friend Katie. She is very different to me, her feet are firmly on the ground, she is a legal secretary with a well off boyfriend. It won’t be long till she’s talking about moving out. They have not been together long, but things have got serious between them very quickly. The cars are racing past me now and the dark of night is here. Dusk is past, the streetlights are all on and families and people are pushing past me. Grateful to finally reach my road, I breathe a sigh of relief.

Putting my key in the door, I can smell that Katie has been cooking, my heart leaps, has she cooked for me? As I walk in, I realise, no, Jonathan is sat there and I notice he is wearing slippers, yes things are moving very quickly between them. I say hi, and disappear up to my room, wishing I had thought to call in to the chippie.

“Lou, Lou” I ignored her at first, not wanting to spend my evening with them.
“Lou, do you want some food?” I sat there and thought, well I am hungry, maybe I could go down for half an hour.

I climbed off my bed and went back down stairs. Katie had cooked a full roast dinner. Roast dinner on a Tuesday night, wow. Sitting down, I could feel Jonathan looking at me, maybe disapproving of my attire. I live in scruffy jeans and a T shirt this is me. I also work in a garden centre so I get dirty potting plants. Work give me a fleece jacket with ‘Jones garden centre’ written across the back of it. So yes, I looked stunning.

Katie of course goes to work in a smart suit, high heels, make up and her hair is immaculate. Me I just drag a brush through mine.
“So, Lou what have you been up to? You are late tonight”
“I was enjoying the dusk, the time between day and night, sitting and watching life from Fern Hill”

Jonathan looked at me, “What life can you see from there?”
“The lights of the town and the cars, the people are like ants, but I like to sit and reflect at dusk and just watch”

“Lou is a very thoughtful person and also very talented, Jon. This lady has a bright future if she puts her mind to it” Jonathan just stared at me. He had an expensive private school and university education, there was no way he would understand my aspirations. All he saw was the dirty garden centre assistant now hungrily eating a roast dinner.

“I saw Robert today Lou, he was asking after you again.”
Robert was nice looking, tall, brown hair. I had maybe dismissed him to many times. I had never let him get to know me, too scared of being really hurt.
“Lou, you really should phone him, go for a drink, get to know him”
“Katie, sorry but I do not need relationship advice from you, sorry but I’m just not ready”

“Lou, Jack was months ago”
“It’s not Jack, he’s past history, that busty brunette is welcome to him, for now I just need time for me”
“Well don’t take too long about it, you need someone else who will sit and enjoy that time between day and night with you”
Jonathan just sat, looking confused as if he did not understand. He finds me strange, yes maybe I am.

Robert did seem like a nice person, he worked as a car mechanic, hard – working and quite sexy covered in oil. Hmm maybe Katie had a point. Maybe he had dreams too, maybe equally as lofty as mine. I finished my dinner thinking about this. That night I took Katie’s advice and texted him. He responded immediately as if he had been sat on his phone. We made arrangements for the following night.

We met on Fern Hill, we watched life below us, at dusk, the time between day and night. It was nice and as it was a little chilly he put his arm around me. I snuggled in, feeling his warmth. Feeling a contentment that I had not felt in months. Our future started here now, tonight at dusk.

Written for  Blog battle – dusk

For more see, Feeling a sense of loss