Wretched

She sat rocking backwards and forwards, chewing on her hair, she knew she appeared wretched. Feeling like there were constant black clouds overhead. Hitting rock bottom had hurt and for the thousandth time she analysed her situation.

A single mum caught stealing underwear from the local department store, and now being threatened with prosecution.   How had she got here? Somewhere she had taken a wrong turn.

Nicky had always looked to Rob for everything.  He had been her rock. He had been with her through university and all her struggles. All the times she had doubted herself and the jobs she had given up.  Now she was in a completely wretched state.

After verbal abuse from daughter Fiona, she had found herself on one of her usual shopping sprees. Now on her descent into madness, she had felt her life spiralling as if she was falling off a cliff.  Her life was ruined and now Fiona hated her.

Rob – one year ago

As he started up the engine on his old Ford, the rain was bouncing off the tarmac.  Putting his foot on the accelerator, he thought about Nicky and hoped that things would be better when he got home.   Things had been bad for a while and since meeting blonde haired, no strings, Joanna, he had found solace in her arms.

Arriving home that day he knew it was over as he walked in the door.  As Nicky leapt at him in one of her rages he reacted badly.  That was it, throwing Joanna’s name into the argument, he added fuel to the already hot fire.

Their marriage was over, and as Nicky watched him leave, she could feel her heart breaking and her tears fell easily.

Present day

Fiona was now twelve years old, desperate for her mother’s love.  Hormones kicking in and bouncing between her parents.  Confused by her mother’s state she was pushing back and scared.

Nicky had reached bottom, after losing the love of her life, she then lost her job.  Sacked after complaints from clients.  Once efficient at cutting and dying hair, she hadn’t meant to give  Mrs Barnes bright red hair and a severely short Bob.  The last straw had been giving Mr Deans a skin head when he had asked for a grade two.  Unable to concentrate on her work, and with her mind focused on her problems she kept sinking.

With her daughter hurling abuse at her, and her life crashing around her she needed something to make her feel better. Without a job she was struggling to put food on the table let alone manage retail therapy.

Today

This was her biggest mistake.  With an urge for new underwear, empty bank account and no space on her credit card she found herself sat with a muscly security guard in the back office of the posh knicker shop. Annoyed with herself for getting caught, she wondered why she hadn’t attempted to steal them through the self-checkout in the supermarket.

Sensing the burly man’s eyes, she was feeling awkward.

“Nicky Marsh?”

“I was, and you are?”

“Geoff Francis.  I remember you from French class.  That was before I started going to the gym.  So, why are you stealing knickers?  The manager is on her way.”

Shocked, she didn’t know what to say.  Her life had descended into a nightmare and now someone who knew her from school had caught her stealing frilly knickers and a bra. Nicky didn’t recognise Geoff but did remember his name.  Feeling defensive, she didn’t know what to say.   Thinking this couldn’t get much worse, she could feel her face turning red and a warm clammy feeling overtaking her mind.

“Nicky, I know you have never noticed me, but I have always liked you. Despite this wretched situation, I can help you out here.  This doesn’t have to end in prosecution.  Boss is quite nice, just not too keen on thieves”.

Tears now flowing, she needed a friend.  She hadn’t expected to find him whilst stealing from the knicker store. Hearing the door open behind her, she could feel her tears flowing faster.

Amanda

“Right, so what do we have here?”

“Sorry, Amanda, I think there’s been a misunderstanding”.

Nicky sobbed, “I’m so sorry, this shouldn’t have happened”.

“Amanda we’ve been talking and this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Geoff, please leave us alone.”

Touching Nicky on her shoulder he walked out of the office.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t normally steal knickers,” Nicky stammered.

“Look I can see you are distressed.  If you’re caught here again, we will prosecute.”

Wiping her eyes, she knew she was getting away with it.  A second chance, she needed this.

“I won’t do it again, sorry.” Sniffing Nicky picked up her bag, pushed her chair back and stood up.

Needing to get out she took deep breath and looked at Amanda.

“Thankyou.”

A need for change

Nicky knew she had to sort out her life.  She couldn’t continue being this wretched mess.  Leaving the shop, she noticed Geoff watching her.  She wondered what he was thinking, he was nice looking and had been kind to her.

“Nicky.”

Turning around, she saw Geoff.

“Nicky, if you want to ever meet up, here is my number.  We can talk, I’m a good listener.”

Stunned she took his card, smiling she now headed for home. Hoping that things would get better, she thought about Fiona. Only twelve and right now needing her mother. Nicky knew she had to sort herself out.  She needed to finally stop falling.

Written for  Blog Battle – Wretched

For more see A need to be liberated, cry for freedom