-
Feelings, thoughts, life with COVID – 19
Does anyone else feel like they are sinking?
Feelings of drowning in a pool or in a muddy pit and can’t get out, maybe falling and not quite sure where you might land.
Thoughts and feelings
This is me. We are now in July, my Corona Virus woes started in March. For me this has been an uphill experience. While others are sharing happy photos on Facebook and meeting with friends and family, we are shielding.
After getting frustrated with the new work IT system, resulting in me melting in a sea of tears and anger. I’m aware that my mood and attitude has reached a new low. I need to break the cycle. I need to re-focus and recognise the positives here.
Positives
1. We are still alive.
2. As my husband pointed out this evening, we are still all friends. No major arguments.
3. My nine-year-old is working hard with home school and his teachers are pleased with what he has achieved.
4. We have priority delivery for shopping so I don’t need to go to the supermarket. A task I hate.
5. I haven’t put diesel in the car since about March, hence saving money.
6. I’m rolling out of bed, having breakfast and then straight to work in my pyjamas. Why bother getting dressed? I’m not going anywhere.
7. I’ve learnt loads helping to teach my son.Negatives
Some of these are unexpected. I loved this to start with, but now four months in it is getting harder.
1. I can’t see family or friends. Yes, there are bubbles but the risks if I catch it are high.
2. My seven-year-old is struggling to focus on home-school. Despite me being a keyworker, she can’t return to school due to shielding.
3. Due to my seven year old refusing to work, it is impacting my nine year old. Why should he work when his sister isn’t? We are now entering a new battle every day.
4. For now, I’m glad that I work part time. Working and managing home school is not an easy task.Inner turmoil
5. I’m at a point where I keep crying. No, I don’t want counselling and no I’m not going mad. Reading Facebook doesn’t help me and the news makes me more stressed.
6. News today, if shielding in the UK, is unpaused then the children are back to home school. As much as I’ve loved teaching my nine-year-old, he is in year five in September. Surely, he needs his teacher, not his mum working her hardest to balance everything and maybe not managing as well as she should. Then I wonder if my husband is shielded again how supportive will my work be. The thought of moving into a hotel fills me with dread, especially as I know my family would not cope without me.Holidays
7. I’m dreading the school holidays. Weeks more of computer games. I have considered pretending that school goes on for longer. Surely, more maths and writing won’t hurt them. More excuses to push reading. I need other ideas of what they can do whilst I’m working, or while I’m on holiday what we can do that doesn’t involve seeing other people.
Other people
Reading others experiences at this time, I know I’m not the only who feels like this. Problem is though, few seem to understand. The inner panic when I need to drive somewhere. The sick feeling when I have to see someone other than the family I live with. I had to see a work colleague face to face this morning. She was wearing a mask but I still felt nervous.
I know this time will pass, but for now I can’t concentrate and the stress hurts. My writing is being affected and I just want to cry and scream. I’m aware that we are actually lucky, others have things far worse than us. It is important to keep a sense of perspective.
I’m sure that the reason I feel like this is that I just want my freedom back. I want to race to the shops and not worry about harming my husband. I want the normality of the school run and to see the teachers. To see my patients without the discussion about the terrible situation we are in right now and to see my friends and for the children to see theirs.
This can’t go on forever and the number of deaths in the UK is coming down. I need to keep positive and not break down over the new work technology.
However, is anyone else, feeling forgotten?
I have very few people genuinely checking on me. Though admittedly I’m so tied up in my own worries that I rarely check on others. Maybe I need to start going through my contacts and check everyone. Thing is though, where is the time? This is probably why no one is checking on me, they haven’t got time either.
Life right now is going at a new pace and yes I’m blaming the virus.
For more see, A need to be liberated, a cry for freedom
My other blog, Life in the time of a pandemic and writing
The turtles above were drawn by my nine-year-old son.
Share this:
-
Our changed world poetry
The world
The world is quiet, a new strange calm,
People staying indoors, scared of coming to harm.
Cars are now just sitting on drives,
As people now lead different lives.No longer racing for the morning bus,
Now staying at home, with lap top, no fuss.
The children are now home from school,
And mum is trying to set the rules.Sitting working, but watching the kids,
A parent can be successful at this.
With the help of a maths app and a cool pc,
The children can be kept calm and busy.It was March that this change came to the UK,
And now it’s here, it’s not going away.
Never before have people been told to stay at home,
I’m so glad for social media and our telephones.Our children are growing up right now,
They will forever remember what happened and how.
The Chinese Wet Market in Wuhan,
Was that really where this all began?The children
The children are now drawing rainbows,
All part of our memories and makes our hearts glow.
All our praises go to our NHS and keyworkers,
They are all working hard in an effort to save us.So, everyone now please look after your families,
Stay indoors, obey lock down, care for your babies.
Maybe have a picnic in your front room,
Or make the chairs into a rocket and fly to the moon.Trying to think of ways to pass the day,
Bringing in inventive ways for creativity and play.
Make the most of this time that’s been given to us,
It’s not going soon, this Corona virus is in no rush.We are not sure when the lock down will end,
But on one thing you really can depend.
The NHS workers are fighting for you,
There’s not enough clapping that we can do.For they will continue to fight to the finish,
Brave and steadfast, their care won’t diminish.
This corona virus has become our life’s big feature,
However, we need to see the bigger picture.Our world around us
Whilst the NHS and Keyworkers are caring for us,
Our planet is loving the difference, loving the less rush.
The effects of planes, ships and of the many cars,
Earth’s destruction had gone too far.Looking up now the sky is deep blue,
It’s beautiful, lock down was a good thing to do.
Throughout this disaster we need to see the positive,
Reflect on the good, no longer on the negative.So, hug your children and play your games,
Home school and work, we will never live this again.
Keep your scrapbooks and write your diaries,
And look after your families, and try not to worry.For more see, A worldwide pandemic poetry
My other blog – Corona Virus, Covid -19, fears, life and writing
Share this:
-
Corona Virus (Covid-19) panic, poetry
A new virus
The world is going crazy, people are very sad,
For a disease is taking over, maybe the worst we’ve had.
Talk of people dying, people isolated, unwell,
For talk of the Corona virus is ringing the panic bell.Panic buying toilet roll, pasta, the shelves are bare,
And antibacterial gel, can’t be found anywhere.
Do we stock up and isolate? Do we send the kids to school?
Keep hand washing everyone, that will be really cool.Covid-19 is now sweeping through the nation,
Shops are now showing our supplies are rationed.
Are we fighting a war with it? Will it just go away?
For how many months is this fear going to stay?The Economy
The economic downturn, people going out of business,
People losing jobs, how will we get through to Christmas?
The unknown months ahead, we can only look at China and Italy,
The lives lost, the statistics, the pain and the misery.Boris Johnson’s words they feel me with dread,
As I sit here his words run through my head.
Losing people close to me, people that I love,
All I can do is keep praying to a dear God above.Do we sit and panic? What should we do?
So many people say that it is just like the flu.
Fine for us who are healthy, fine if not unwell,
But so many have problems, time will only tell.If you think you have it
So, if you think you have it, what should you do?
Take your temperature, cough, it’s scary for me and you.
How soon do you isolate? Keep the kids off school?
Inform all your family this virus is not cool.Will the whole school get closed if one parent has it?
The goal post changes day by day, it really is the pits.
As we just carry on, all hoping for the best,
Looking out for each other, trying to take time to rest.So, if you can, don’t panic, try not to worry,
But this new illness it isn’t going in a hurry.
Look after each other, make the most of each new day,
And with a vaccine later, our fears will go away.For more poetry see Worrying and the stress of life poetry
For more see my other blog – Corona Virus (Covid-19) fears and writing
Share this:
