Life
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Happiness and life
Happiness
What is happiness? Is it that overwhelming feeling you get when something good happens? Is it the smell of eggs and coffee as you wake up? Or the anticipation of something good happening soon, a holiday perhaps? Or the knowledge that all is well with your world? My image here shows my daughter standing on a bridge looking at a river. Was she happy? she was certainly relaxed.
We can all plummet from overwhelming happiness to huge sadness in a matter of seconds. Is it just the human condition or is it that the lives we all walk are rarely easy. I turn on my phone and glance at Facebook. All the happy faces, going about their happy lives. Are they happy? We all share with the world what we are prepared to show. This morning I took a photo of myself and my ten year old walking to school. Yes, we were happy in that moment, what it doesn’t show is my daughter’s possible anxiety about school and my thoughts of what I need to get done today. The thoughts of what I need to do and what I want to do. Currently I’m neglecting my tip of a house to write! My thoughts of losing my dad in 2020, yes, some wounds will never heal! Or my washing machine brain with all my personal anxieties about myself.
All of us have our own personal struggles, I don’t think anyone has it easy. What is life about? Are we all being challenged? Is it all some great long test? Are we all going to be sat in heaven sitting an exam one day about what we have learnt in our time on earth. Interesting thought but I hate exams!
Struggles and woes
Regardless of our struggles and woes, or all the good things that may be happening we al need time for self-reflection. Some of us don’t have that time, impossible you are possibly shouting at me! When life gets stressful, sometimes we need to step back. We need to see the bigger picture. In the moment a problem can seem huge! If we step back and ask ourselves, will this matter an hour from now? Will it matter in a week’s time? Do I really need to be putting all my energy into it? The issue might feel lighter and not weigh as heavily on your thoughts. I should be tidying and cleaning the lounge, but I know if I do by tomorrow afternoon it will look as bad as it does now.
This may be a bad example but I’m sure all of us have worried over things that hours / days later have resolved themselves and not been worth worrying over. They got this right in Disney’s – The Lion King – Hakuna Matata – no worries! I love this film!
We all, everyone of us, tries to strive for a happy life. I hear stories of those that have given up. Those that maybe have it harder than others and tried to battle through. Matthew Perry being an example of someone that many of us saw as Chandler Bing on friends and didn’t know the pain he was in until reading his Autobiography. Sadly now a huge loss as he was working so hard to help people with addiction issues, and loved by many as Chandler Bing who made so many of us laugh.
Happiness and our lives
I’m sure there are many others suffering that the world outside is not aware of. My message here is all of us are fighting a battle, we all have our struggles. We are all fighting for happiness, working hard to provide for our families. Helping with homework, worrying about our children – a very valid worry. I read an unhappy post on Facebook this morning and so many people have responded that she is not alone. Life’s challenges are sometimes just overflowing!
Problems
Some of our problems are bigger than others. My friend is about to move into a house with her two children that needs a complete replaster and a huge amount of work. There are no carpets, and the kitchen and bathroom are in a poor state. The positive is that she has a house and in the long term after all the work is done it will feel more of a home. In the short term she is leaving the comforts of her furnished flat for a huge amount of work and stress. She is not a DIY expert and I’ve offered to help paint. I’m not good at DIY either. In the short term she will be hugely overwhelmed but in the long term hopefully more happiness will follow.
Our lives are all evolving, and challenges ever coming. Today I phoned Sky mobile about a Sky phone swap. As the call finished, she tried to sell me a tablet. £3.66 a month sounds good but that is for 48 months – £175.68 – do I need a new tablet – No. Was I tempted – yes.
I look out the window at my garden, the weeds have taken over, and its cold outside. I’ve chosen to sit here on my laptop this morning and type instead. I need to write more! Having a tidy garden does bring me happiness but it also involves many hours of work. Remembering why I started this blog, it was due to the stresses of life. The ups and downs of a working mum. Putting things on paper – getting those negative thoughts out of your head can help find happiness! I also need to get back to writing my book, I haven’t looked at in months.
My dad
I’ve written quite a few blog posts about losing my dad to Pancreatic Cancer. My sister, Nicola is now fronting Pancreatic Cancer UK s no time to wait campaign in the UK. We are petitioning the UK government and collecting signatures. If you are in the UK please do sign the petition as every signature really helps. Nicola has been on the radio, the local news and to Westminster to help get our message across.
There is so much in life that we can dwell on, stress over, feel depressed over. If we all take that time to stop and step back, maybe many of us can find positives. I worry about working part time and letting my family down. However, I’m able to collect my daughter from school and have more time to help / nag over homework. However obviously if I worked full time I wouldn’t need to say no so often when the children ask for things – life is all about balance, but yes, it’s hard to get the balance right all of the time.
Positives in life
I’m now going to make myself another mug of tea and then find my twelve year old who is still on school holidays. Like I’m sure many twelve year old boys, he has shut himself in his room on the computer playing games, I need to drag him out but I know I’m unlikely to be successful!
So, what are your positives in life? Can you banish the blues and find happiness with all that is good? Life is short and if there is an exam at the end, I hope I do have all the answers.
For more see – A year today, I started writing my blog – poetry – Just muddling through life
This was written in 2019 – and 2023 has certainly not been as productive, hopefully I will do better in 2024.
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A different world and our changed lives
Netflix
I’m sat here again watching Netflix, Designated Survivor. Kiefer Sutherland makes a very good President. I remember him in Flatliners, a very different role. I’m glad that despite the terrible time right now I can escape into the world of Netflix.
Life right now is a world away from a year ago. Many people seem to have continued life as normal, following restrictions but still happy to attend gyms and restaurants. My husband was asked to shield in March, so from then on we stayed at home, until shielding was paused in August. I’m lucky that we all get on, but now in October I fear going any-where. The children are happy being back at school, but I’m scared in the supermarket and seeing friends.
A different world
The world is very different to the world back in February / March when I last freely walked about. A week ago, I had to go to the post office and despite wearing my mask I got told off because it is a maximum of two people in at a time. It hadn’t occurred to me that there would be such a restriction. My anxiety rose when I noticed that a customer near me was not wearing her mask properly.
There seems to be a divide between those that were shielded and remained at home and those that went about their daily lives. It’s been hard for all, but right now I’m worried and desperate for my husband to be shielded again. He’s happy at work but the figures are rising. Can we really trust track and trace? And was the government really advised to lockdown for three weeks? And yes I’m aware our economy and jobs are a huge factor with locking down. How bad is this situation going to get before there is a safe vaccine being distributed?
This year has not been the one anyone expected. It has been hard and stressful, I’ve struggled with my writing and reading, and Netflix seems to have taken over my evenings. It has brought more time with my children and husband, but we shut ourselves away for months. At the end of July, we found out that my dad is terminally ill. A young man and healthy and now in October he’s weak and frail. Point is none of us know how long we have left. My poor dad is scared and not ready, he’s had all his future plans swept away from him and COVID-19 has made this all so much worse.
The children
Both the children enjoyed being at home for months, but where my son worked hard my daughter did very little. They are happy being back at school, happy seeing their friends and both working hard. The school has a one-way system with arrows and class bubbles. However, surely with siblings the bubbles are mixing. I really hope that for the sake of the children that the risk is low, but I read of so many worried teachers, especially those that were shielding, the fear is real.
My achievements this year
I have continued writing and have been productive, (please note that anything purchased through my blog will earn me commission which will help to pay for my blogs).
I am a contributing author to the following:
MJ Mallon’s – This is Lockdown.
Living during the Coronavirus Pandemic – my reflective piece set next year on COVID 19, helping to raise money for NHS Charities Together.
Dimensions of Paranormal volume one – Anthology for Writers Unite
Dimensions of Paranormal volume two
I’m still writing my western story for the Writers Unite Western anthology. I’ve felt rejection this year but its nice to be part of the books that I have been included in. I’ve got no further with my time travel novel. My confidence in it has taken a dive but I do need to finish my first draft properly, and then it needs a full rewrite.
I have developed the monthly stories on my blog but haven’t kept up with publishing at marianwood.com. Two blogs and my newsletter are too much to keep up with at the moment.
Today
From previous posts you will know that my children are not easy. My seven-year-old is now happy to walk on tables and is a master with the hot glue. She loves creating and today climbed and found some red nail varnish. The consequence was a heart drawn on her bed sheet, red finger-nails, varnish on my bedroom rug and a care bear. I’m proud of her being so creative but it comes with a stressful price.
My son is content staring at a screen. Nothing broken but it’s not healthy either and the arguments on reading carry on.
Now we are living a day at a time, things could look very different a week from now. I can’t imagine a world with my dad not in it, but I think I’m soon going to find out.
So, how is life with you? Have you been writing? And how has COVID 19 affected you?
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School holidays and plans during a pandemic
Annual leave
After all being home since March together, I’m now on annual leave and the children are on school holidays. Normally I would be taking the children out, I would have plans to see things and see friends. Despite my shielded husband returning to work on Monday I’m still scared to go out. I’m dreading next week, if he does catch COVID – 19, then what happens? Telling the children that daddy is on a ventilator is not something I ever want to do.
I’m sat here, waiting on the phone to Morrison’s. Tesco have put up their delivery prices in August so I’m hoping that Morrison’s can add us to their priority list. Yes, Morrison’s is walking distance but I’m scared to go in, especially as the children will be with me. For me, right now, the days of running into the supermarket are a memory.
To top everything happening right now, my dad is not well. I haven’t told the children but I keep crying. He’s still young, I have patients in their nineties and hundreds. Again I mustn’t project as these are early days.
I hated my school years, but 2020 is now the worst year of my life. Yes, I’ve enjoyed home-schooling but I’m feeling so stressed!
Holidays
So, two weeks are stretching out ahead of me. We could go to the woods, or to empty fields. Wandering around the town is not something I’m prepared to do. We could do some art, or read and write together – maybe a little too idyllic. How to do you get two game obsessed children of their gadgets? If I tell my nine-year-old, that he’s to come off it, he says, “okay”, but then continues playing.
I need safe outdoor play. My holiday is going to be harder than other years, I accept that, but most things involve crowds and people.
Safe at home
The difference between staying safely at home, in our small cocoon, to going back out into the world and seeing people is dramatic. The figures are now increasing again and parts of the UK are already locked down. The GP has now changed one of my husband’s medications to weekly, so more stress needing to go to the pharmacy more often. Till now they have been delivering it to us, this service has now stopped. Thousands have been relying on their government food box, or Boris box, this has now stopped. Despite shielding being paused, the virus is still out there and it’s still killing people.
The children are happily in their own little worlds, oblivious to our fears. My nine-year-old will ask to wear his face cover. My seven-year-old, I’ve contemplated buying her some on eBay. The conundrum with the facemasks are do you buy just a cloth face covering? Or do you buy one with a filter insert? Do I buy one for £5.00? or do I spend £25.00? I’m not medically trained, the theories that it does not affect children as much as adults, I’m not sure what to believe. As much as I can, I will continue to protect them.
The featured image was drawn after a lesson with my seven year old daughter on how the earth orbits the sun. A happy home schooling memory.
August plans
Writing commitments for this month include,
- The next part of my Ruby and Freda story.
- Write the Story for Writers Unite
- Blogbattle writing prompt.
- To write a 5000 word story on the Wild West, for the new Writers Unite Anthology.
- To continue with my time tunnel novel
(Please note anything purchased through my blog earns me a small amount of commission which helps pay for my blogs, thankyou).
I also need to entertain the children and support them with their reading and comprehension. My nine year old is skimming text and not taking in what is happening. His excuse of “I don’t like reading” is frustrating. If he doesn’t understand what is going on, then he’s not going to enjoy it. I’ve been reading him the ‘Wizards of Once’ and testing his understanding as I read. He is rarely answering correctly. How do you improve a child’s reading and listening skills? I’m hoping that as we read together, he will improve.
I need to take things a day at a time and stop worrying. I must see more of my dad, (and family) who I’ve hardly seen since March due to shielding, plus keep up with my writing and work on my garden. The weeds have well and truly taken over, but I’ve had no gardening motivation these last few months. Life as always is busy.
Last month I was included in MJ Mallon’s – Life in Lockdown, featuring writers thoughts on this current situation.
August
As we head into August, our world is going to change. One will be getting up at 6.30am to drive daddy to work. Another will be knowing more about my father’s prognosis and talking to the children about him. We all need normality now and the children need school in September. Watching Boris Johnson talking yesterday, I have doubts in my mind about whether school will happen. Yes, I should stop watching the news but day by day the COVID – 19 situation changes.
My head keeps turning to Netflix and Amazon prime. These last few months I have binge watched Dark, The Stranger, Safe and Catastrophe. Offspring and Absentia that both feature Matthew Le Nevez,and now Schitts Creek. Yes, a bit of an escape from life but they don’t help me write.
As I keep writing, we need to continue a day at a time. This is a difficult mindset, especially when bad news is involved, but we need to all try and do it, we also should rest and relax more. To look after ourselves, our mental health and our families. I really hope that next year is easier and better, right now there is so much going on. I’m glad that I haven’t got the temptation of a crystal ball to know the future.
So, how are you getting on right now? have you been shielded? and how do you plan to keep your children / grandchildren busy during the holidays?
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