friend heaven sky clouds
Poetry

To my friend in heaven

16th December 2019 /

 

To my dear friend now gone into the sky,
We didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.
Time it passes and it flows,
Experiences and life, time it goes.

I’ve known you since I was just fifteen,
My life changed when you appeared on the scene.
We had dreams of our lives together, and growing old,
But this life was not what our lives would hold.

For the memories we shared and me bunking off school,
The cider and laughter, the fun and playing pool.
The times you would always meet me from work,
Walking home, holding hands, young love it can hurt.

The years we spent, thinking our life was forever,
When years later, I realised our destinies were not to be together,
You went your way, and I went mine,
You soon remarried and I did in time.

The children we now have, but not together,
The talking we have done on Facebook messenger.
The photos and life on your Facebook page,
Where I have smiled, things change with age.

Time it changes things and life moves on,
You think we will forget the life that has gone.
From finding your first love and holding them close,
To it falling apart, not sure who hurts the most.

From knowing that person is alive in the world,
Knowing their life will continue to be told.
Knowing they are happy and that they are safe,
Things are okay and no need for grief.

From then knowing they are ill, but managing okay,
From chatting on messenger, willing them to stay.
Knowing one day there might be a telephone call,
Knowing that soon, their illness would end it all.

Being forewarned doesn’t arm you for the time ahead,
The feelings you have, the pain and the dread.
The knowledge you will never see them again,
Never again message, never again, in this life, be their friend.

So goodbye dear friend, I’m sad you had to go,
Hope you are safe with the Angels, you are loved, you know.
One day, I’m sure we will meet again,
For now, goodbye, see you later, my friend.

 

This was written for a friend who was once very close to me, who passed away on Saturday 14th December 2019.  May he forever rest in peace!

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45 Comments

  • Ceci Rey

    17th December 2019 at 12:08 am Reply

    I am so sorry for your loss. If it helps…my ex husband, died suddenly. And even though we were no longer married, I still felt a huge loss. Eventually the tears will stop…but, you will never forget. I hope this New Year brings you peace and happiness!

    • Just muddling through life

      17th December 2019 at 12:22 am Reply

      Thanks Ceci, I googled it to see if it was normal to be this upset over an ex. I read that it is normal. Yes I feel a huge loss too.. I wouldn’t want to still be married to him, just want him on earth.. see his jokes, talk to him.. know he’s doing alright.. he was a friend. I have so many memories and I keep replaying them over and over. Sorry about your ex husband, it really hurts! X

  • lindasschaub

    17th December 2019 at 2:47 am Reply

    That’s a beautiful poem to your friend and ex-husband, but please take comfort that somehow, somewhere, he is aware of this ode and how heart-wrenching it was for you to write it. Perhaps it was a catharsis and you’ll feel better having let your emotions rule your writing in this poem. I am sorry for your loss Marian and saw in the comments that it was your ex-husband, so sad as you shared a past. My mom died of sepsis on January 31, 2010. She had a perforated colon and developed sepsis. It is a fast-acting killing illness almost every time.

    • Just muddling through life

      17th December 2019 at 9:14 am Reply

      Hi Linda, thankyou! I hope you are right as we never said goodbye. Last time we spoke or rather messaged we were discussing grandchildren. Yes I needed to get these words down. Sorry about your mum! Ben had a hernia, I’m told the size of a football.. this then lead to the sepsis. He went down hill very fast! X

      • lindasschaub

        17th December 2019 at 12:41 pm Reply

        Yes it is always sad to never say goodbye. That’s amazing about the size of the hernia –
        wonder if he was in pain before the end or sudden? My mom had a little pain in her side and I was worried it was a kidney stone – she did not want to go the hospital/E.R. and resisted. Finally, three days later, she woke up and was not lucid – I called for an ambulance and they said she had a bowel perforation … they could have given her a cocktail of antibiotics, strong antibiotics, and operated but they said it would only extend her life a few weeks, maybe only a few days, and recommended against it – she was 83, almost 84 at the time. She died 12 hours after going to the hospital. Like you, it happened way too fast and she never regained consciousness and I also did not say goodbye and was very close to my mom – we lived together and I have no other relatives. I’m sorry for your loss and at the holiday season when everything is supposed to be cheery and I know you will be feeling down … hard to be cheery for your kids’ sake … tough. Stay strong Marian. ❤❤

        • Just muddling through life

          17th December 2019 at 12:53 pm Reply

          Hi Linda, we didn’t have children together. Me studying a degree at evening class for 6 years meant I said no to kids at that point. Hence when we split we had no kids together. My children are with my now husband, Russ, and his kids are with the lady he met after me.
          I hope he wasn’t in pain but I can only imagine there must have been some painful affects caused by the hernia. Ben was just 47 when he passed, no age at all. But we shared many memories together and at the moment they are replaying in my head.
          I’m sure it was a shock how quick your mum went, so hard for you when you didn’t get to say goodbye. X x

          • lindasschaub

            18th December 2019 at 2:32 am

            I was suspecting your kids, since so young, were with your current husband. The size of the hernia, like a football size, would have had to be painful, so he was very brave about it and not letting on at all. Sepsis is fast-acting – my mom was fine, as far as lucidness, when she went to bed on the Friday night and was incoherent and didn’t recognize me just about 6 hours later. It was sad and scary as well. The not saying goodbye haunts me to this day to be honest … and it has been almost ten years. Hope you are feeling a little better today by the time you read this.

          • Just muddling through life

            19th December 2019 at 1:02 am

            Thanks Linda, I just keep replaying things. Have just been rereading messenger conversations… just hope that he does know that I cared about him. So many regrets, one being that I didn’t make the effort to actually see him. Difficult though when I have a husband who might have been upset if I had. And yes that hernia does sound very painful.. yes not saying goodbye is hard.. just too sudden! X x

          • lindasschaub

            20th December 2019 at 1:56 am

            Sorry for the late response Mirian – my boss’ last day before vacation and got here later than usual and I scooted out the door this morning since the sun was shining for a change. I replayed the few days of my mom’s life over and over in my mind – I did insist that she go by ambulance to the hospital and she got angry with me for insinuating she needed to go to the doctor and I would not go against her wishes. We both agreed long ago, since it was just the two of us, that we would not be sustained on a machine if someone happened to one of us – we had paperwork drawn up as well, but it was a mutual understanding as well, even without the paperwork in hand. Almost a week already – time zips by and does not stand still though you wish it could sometimes.

          • Just muddling through life

            21st December 2019 at 5:37 pm

            Yes time never stands still, it goes too fast! I’m still struggling to accept that he’s really gone.
            Even with a mutual agreement I’m sure it was still hard for you to accept that she was no longer with you. yes its hard to not replay events..

          • lindasschaub

            22nd December 2019 at 1:58 am

            I replayed it in my mind … “a week ago today, two weeks ago today” etc. and I am sure it was like with your ex-husband, things happened too quickly. I have never lost a loved one in a catastrophic accident, but I am sure that is a similar scenario. People who walk out the door, and are involved in a fatal auto accident. We have so many fatal car accidents these days, even more due to texting and other types of distracted driving. It gives you cause to pause every time you step outside your front door.

    • Just muddling through life

      19th December 2019 at 12:56 am Reply

      Thankyou Ali, I’ve just laid here and reread messenger messages going back to 2013… can’t help feeling sad.. have just realised that due to writing my blog and life, I hadn’t checked up on him this year.. I’m hoping he did know that I cared. 2019 has raced by and now he’s gone. X

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