A need to be liberated

What is wrong with me? After reading through Facebook, again, I’m stressed and I’m almost crying. Due to my husband’s medical concerns, we have been shielding since March. Staying at home and not allowed to go anywhere. I went out last week, I happily met a friend and the children, their school friends. Since then I have worried daily that we might have caught the virus.

How do you handle this? I’m a fairly anti-social person. I’m happy to not have to go out. But what about when I want to go out, but can’t due to fears of infecting my husband? Trying to protect him, we have only been out once. Is this really fair on the children?

We have a human need to be liberated. My husband wants to go out too, but really, I’m hoping it gets extended. Yes, I’m going mad but I’m worried that the numbers are still high. He wants to get his hair cut. I tell him there’s no point putting himself on a ventilator for the sake of his lock down hair.

Other people

Other people are happily meeting up. Some are forming social bubbles. Us, we are stuck together, just us four. It’s a good job we get on but right this minute I want to cry.

The need to liberate myself, the want to walk the kids to the shops and visit the library. The human need for freedom. Instead there’s a virus that could potentially take daddy away from us. Yes, I’m scared and even contemplating cancelling our holiday in October. It’s in the UK, but are we really going to be able to relax? I don’t think so.

In March we were unwell. We hoped that we had the virus and my husband was struggling with breathing. However, the swab test was negative. Now, the antibody test is out but it appears just as unreliable as the swab test. So, what is the point? People have been shown to have a positive swab test and then a negative antibody test. Others a negative swab and then positive for antibodies. I’m not sure what this means, but could it suggest that having it doesn’t necessarily mean immunity?

Difficult time

This is a rubbish time for many people. For us it has meant arguments as very little alone time. Home schooling and working from home. I sit in the car once a week and run the engine. I will also drive her about half a mile up the road and back. Yes, I’m saving money on diesel.

Regularly checking forums and Google for updates on shielding is not helping my anxiety. Why couldn’t the government just tell us what their plans are? We have been coming to our own conclusions and it is scary.

Imagine being told you can’t go out. Then told you can go out, but once a day, but only with your own household. Then faced with the prospect suddenly that shielding is over, and you are back to work.

We are both worried. The children are happily just arguing about home school and my daughter has been learning about Sea Cucumbers. We watched a video on them today, they are absolutely disgusting.

However, if you are interested in buying some (anything purchased through my blog will earn me a small amount of commission which will help pay for my blog.) Here is a link for Sea Cucumbers.  They are expensive but considered a delicacy. Ewwwwwww imagine barbecuing them! If you have eaten sea cucumber please do let me know in the comments. What did they taste like?

Home Schooling

COVID 19 has brought with it, for me some positives. Where some parents are hating home schooling. I’m enjoying helping my son. However, my daughter leaves me wanting to cry as she will protest and say no. On a good day she makes me very proud. On a bad day, anxious and worried. It’s hard not to worry when it’s all over Facebook, Netmums and the news about children falling behind. They then talk of extra school in August. My seven-year-old might need it, but my nine-year-old has been working hard every day for weeks. He’s working an average of four hours a day. I couldn’t ask him to do any more than he is.

So, here we are. Stuck together until things dramatically change. Will the government extend shielding? I hope so. Will it be until the R rate is down to a level that we are comfortable with? I don’t know.

I’ve had comments from those that have been going out throughout this pandemic. Lack of understanding of how hard it is when you have been isolated for so long.

I know I need to stay away from Facebook. Stay away from the happy people seeing each other after weeks apart. We have a while to go yet before we can be fully liberated. I don’t think I will completely stop worrying till we are vaccinated and known to have active antibodies.

Loss of freedom

This virus has taken away our freedom but it has meant more time together as a family. I’ve also been able to play a part in the children’s education that I never thought I would. Researching subjects in order to try and pass that knowledge on. I’m not a qualified teacher but I’ve tried my best and I hope I’m doing a good enough job.

I’m hoping by Christmas this will be something we are talking about rather than still living through. The children need to return to school and I want to see friends without worrying, and read Facebook without feeling my eyes watering up.

I know there are others with far worse stresses, but for now I just want my husband and family to be safe and the anxiety to go away. Liberation will for now, just have to wait.

How have you dealt with Lock down? Have you been shielded? or able to go out maintaining two metre distance of course.

Hopefully this nightmare will soon be over for all of us.

For more see Betrayed and death by flute

Written for Blog Battle – Liberate