5th December 2020 - Just muddling through life

To you, the best dad in the world,

Throughout my life, my heart you have held.

From problems at school to being my chauffeur,

Helping in my garden and fixing my furniture.

Caring for the children and being a good grandad,

They all love you and remember the fun they have had.

From days out and being picked up from the school door,

Now you are gone, we all can’t be with you anymore.

Here we are now, sat with our memories,

All of that fun, is now in our history.

Dear dad you will always be remembered,

A man like you, memories that won’t be surrendered.

I remember evenings listening to you dictate,

When you worked, you were always home late.

Coming home to your dinner, warmed up in the oven

And all evening you were then alone in the dining room.

Working through housing report after report,

As a Surveyor many relationships you have built.

Spending many years out on the road,

Looking after us and our precious abode.

Despite working hard, you made time for us and our homework,

Maths and Geography, one night you helped me learn about the Earth.

You wrote out my times-tables, and you taught me the time,

I remember you smiling from hearing me rhyme.

Now you are gone, this pain is hard to describe,

But my heart hurts, it hurts from inside.

Note:

Though dad was working in the dining room he had frequent interruptions from us, so wasn’t completely alone. His dinner was warmed up as he would eat as soon as he came in the door, before going back to his work. So this isn’t as bad as it sounds.

Dads greenhouse in the photo was built by him from windows from their neighbours house, he was a very clever man!

For more see – To my dad – finding inner strength

and Loss of my lovely dad and my writing

(If anyone knows why Word press is not letting me leave a space every four lines of the poem, please let me know, thankyou. There is a space on the document before publishing).

Sitting here, watching you,

I wonder what I can do.

The tears they fall, my heart it breaks,

A stranger in me, the pain awakes.

Thinking of you, the times I treasure,

All the memories, our love, no pressure.

Father and daughter, a big part of my world,

Your love forever I will uphold.

From here on in, I’m feeling broken,

I think about the words we’ve spoken.

You wouldn’t want me to hurt and worry,

I need to be positive, rise up, stop feeling sorry.

All I can do now is think of you,

And all the pain you are going through.

A day at a time, I always say,

Projecting the future is too much, just focus on today.

So, I need to keep going, stop feeling the frailty,

Losing someone dear, is life, that’s meant to be.

Keep on going with life’s great mission,

I must keep focused on my vision.

Find my strength to understand,

That life and death go hand and hand.

I love you and I always will,

And life for now it continues still.

Thoughts

This was written one morning walking home from school. I texted it to myself on my mobile phone. Dad never heard it because he said it would make him cry and he was crying enough. He died on the 8th November 2020, about ten weeks after being diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. After his first hospital admission we found he was too unwell for Chemotherapy. The illness took over and too quickly took our lovely dad away from our family.

For months I have worried about the pandemic and helped to shield my family. Then came the rule of six and feeling that I could not visit him whenever I wanted to, now he has gone I regret following the rules. I just want to see him and hold him again. This has been a really rubbish year!

For more see – Loss of my lovely dad and my writing

and In memory to the best dad

(If anyone knows why Word press is not letting me leave a space every four lines of the poem, please let me know, thankyou. There is a space on the document before publishing).