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Is it only me that has young children and feels alot older then they really are? The ongoing exhaustion of parenting, the exhaustion of running the household and managing the bills. Trying to balance the priorities, negotiating with daddy, do we really need sky television? Do we need Netflix? Do we need Google photos to back up our thousands of photographs that are unlikely to ever be developed but hold so many memories? The modern household now has more demands on it then ever. Modern technology and the digital era has seen to this. Amazon and all its offers, the temptation of  Amazon Prime UK and  America and your orders arriving the next day. At the end are some tips to help ease the stress of children.

Life was easier before the stress of children and before I met my husband. Those years of living alone, time was my own, money was my own. Being late for work was all down to me. This morning I was in trouble for snoozing my alarm at 6.30am, daddy needed to get to work. Due to me not getting up I was to blame for getting stuck behind the dustbin lorry at 7.45am. If we had been earlier… etc…

Yes, those years where if I wanted to go out, I could. If I wanted to see friends I could. Times when friends invited me out, or times when I felt I had a friend. Times when I would be phoning people to talk. Today I never go out, friends do not phone and I do not phone them. We may message occasionally but life is so busy. I have not got time for that phone call. British telecom had the slogan “it’s good to talk” and it is. However, amongst the stress of work and getting the kids to bed all I really want to do is either read my book or watch the soaps. If a friend invites me out for dinner I am unlikely to go, I am too tired and then there’s the cost.

So life before the stress of children and my husband. My money was mine, I didn’t have Sky television or Netflix or Dropbox or pay for my Microsoft Word package. Driving to a service station at 2am for Apple pie was a done thing, why not? I lived alone and my friend and I had no commitments. It was fun, being spontaneous and doing as we wanted. Last night a friend put on Facebook about going out for dinner with two ex work colleagues. I read it and felt jealous. Why was I jealous? I doubt I would have gone. I never go out with daddy and the children always come first. Finding money for an evening out when I have breakfast club and now swimming with school to pay for, I can not justify the cost of dinner.

Why do a lot of us dream of now when we are young and free and single? I have always wanted children but was completely unaware of the challenges ahead of me. I would not change my life, my children are great but those times spent alone with daddy and other friends, I did not appreciate that time enough. Friends change , still friends, but life moves on. My two best friends from about 20 years ago are now both married with the added stress of children. Both men so obviously have wives and I have my husband so will not spend the evening on the phone to them. One of them has moved away and I have not seen or spoken to him in years, it is very sad because once we were so close. Does anyone else feel this? Very close friends that are suddenly no longer there.

The commitments and ties of family life and stress of children, we all need to look after ourselves more. This is very hard though. Making the balance between looking after the family and looking after you. If I had gone out last night I might have enjoyed myself. However, I would have been worrying about the cost of my meal and worrying about the children so could not have relaxed. Does anyone else have these inner struggles? Managing that household budget is all so important in ensuring that everyone is provided for and my needs often come at the end of the priorities.

Due to the stress of children and school commitments I have not seen a hairdresser since May 2017. Buying shampoo today I stood and thought “do I really need shampoo for coloured hair”? My grey is well and truly showing through. I then bought the coloured being optimistic, never know I might find a spare £100.00 for a cut, blow dry and colour with foils. I should be so lucky. Today I have to attend a driving speed awareness course, £92.00.  If I had been doing 45mph in a 40mph limit rather then 46mph I would have been alright. I could have got my hair sorted out.

There always seems to be something in life, putting an obstacle in your way to progression. Question is, do you walk around it? climb over it? or get stuck in it? For me, I try and climb over it. Ride the rough and the smooth and move on with life. We only have this one life, unless reincarnation does exist but that’s a whole other topic.

A few years ago, I worked full time, then the department had a restructure and as a consequence my job became part time. Financially me being part time is a strain on the household budget, but mentally and physically it is so nice having a break on a Tuesday and Friday. Time for me, though often spent doing washing and shopping and other boring household tasks.  My brain is so full most of the time that I am grateful for being part time despite the lack of money. Its a matter of priority now.

My mental health is important as I need to support my family. They are dependent on me.  I’m not sure if daddy could tell you who we have our electricity and gas with, or whether the cooker is covered by domestic and general, or how much the monthly bills add up to.  He could tell you though about Netflix, Google and drop box.

So life goes on and the stress of children goes on. Mum’s need to look after each other and we need to look after our families.  I’m sure that there are plenty of dads out there who manage households fantastically but I’m sure there are many mums in the same situation as me. So Mum’s what would I advise?

From my own personal experience,

1. Mum you need time for you, you need that time to just relax. If you work full time , maybe it’s just finding that time in the evening to look at your book or Kindle.

2. You also need alone time with your partner. Even just cuddling up for a hour in the evening whether in front of the television or in bed, it is important. Admittedly we don’t do this one enough. We are that old married couple who will lie with our backs to each other reading,

3. Try and have a  date night, maybe once a week when the children are in bed.

4. Try and focus on the future, focus on the things in life that can be changed.  Try not to worry about what might happen or dwell on what has already happened.  This is one that I need to work on as I am a huge worrier.

5. I find a mug of  tea great for making me calm, do not knock the power of a nice cup of tea.

6. Meeting with friends and seeing other mums. Sharing life’s problems, you know what they say about a problem shared, it’s a problem halved.

7. Don’t knock the importance of a relaxing  bath, maybe adding some lavender scented bubble bath. However, I know I can only really do this when the house is empty. Kids at the door screaming “mummy hurry up”, do not help you relax. Years ago I could sit in the bath with my Lambrusco light and my paperback, I rarely find time for that now.

8. Try and find time to walk. Leave the car at home, walking is very good and can help relax your mind.

9. Finances, check what is important, balancing the household budget is hard work and I am frequently being told we need such and such, we often don’t. We need to get an electrician to add some plug sockets in the bedroom. We have lived here 8 years now and life always steps in the way of saving £500 to pay an electrician. The cooker and the guttering being the most recent high cost purchases. You never know what is going to go wrong around the corner.

10. Do what is right for you. Try not to let other people’s opinions and judgements get you down. You are you and you are important!

I am now going to get some food, then rush off to my speeding course, a very expensive lesson for driving a little over the limit. I was late that day for a meeting. Thinking about it now, did it really matter if I had walked in late? probably not.  So what are you up to today? any time for you? or busy with the normal hum drum of life? i’m sure you are not about to attend a course like me. I’m now wondering if they supply tea and biscuits or whether I should take my flask, ho hum…

For more see, 10 ideas for your new year, new resolutions and a new you