March 2019 - Page 3 of 3 - Just muddling through life

As the night closed in, I sat and watched. Looking at the lights across town flicker on I like this time of the evening. Dusk, the time between day and night, dusk as the sun goes down. As the shops close their doors and lights come on in houses. The hustle and bustle of the traffic as people leave work and return home to their families.

I am happy for now, just to watch, to live vicariously watching other’s experiences. To young to be a mum or have a successful career, too young to have such responsibilities. I have a rented flat, no boyfriend, no ties. I am a free spirit, I can do what I want, when I want. Dreams of travelling, dreams of writing, dreams of singing, dreams of appearing on television. Trying to keep my heart and aspirations in check I really could do anything.

Dusk for me is a time that I will sit and reflect. Trying to learn from past set backs and sadness, motivating myself to carry on. A bad experience was the time I sang in the local pub, for all the regulars. I thought I sounded fantastic, but not one person clapped me, just stunned silence. Maybe I should not have sang, Duran Duran’s ‘Hungry like the Wolf’ Maybe, they did not like the do, do, do, do’s, or maybe I scared them all, maybe it’s not something that they expected from a 5ft 6 blonde girl. Perhaps, I need to re think what songs I sing.

I have written novels but so far no one is interested. I’m not giving up though. I will keep going because some day somebody will have to take me seriously. I am truly a rising star. Getting up now, I put my empty coke can in the bin and started to walk home. Walking down the hill now on a mission to get home.

I share my flat with my friend Katie. She is very different to me, her feet are firmly on the ground, she is a legal secretary with a well off boyfriend. It won’t be long till she’s talking about moving out. They have not been together long, but things have got serious between them very quickly. The cars are racing past me now and the dark of night is here. Dusk is past, the streetlights are all on and families and people are pushing past me. Grateful to finally reach my road, I breathe a sigh of relief.

Putting my key in the door, I can smell that Katie has been cooking, my heart leaps, has she cooked for me? As I walk in, I realise, no, Jonathan is sat there and I notice he is wearing slippers, yes things are moving very quickly between them. I say hi, and disappear up to my room, wishing I had thought to call in to the chippie.

“Lou, Lou” I ignored her at first, not wanting to spend my evening with them.
“Lou, do you want some food?” I sat there and thought, well I am hungry, maybe I could go down for half an hour.

I climbed off my bed and went back down stairs. Katie had cooked a full roast dinner. Roast dinner on a Tuesday night, wow. Sitting down, I could feel Jonathan looking at me, maybe disapproving of my attire. I live in scruffy jeans and a T shirt this is me. I also work in a garden centre so I get dirty potting plants. Work give me a fleece jacket with ‘Jones garden centre’ written across the back of it. So yes, I looked stunning.

Katie of course goes to work in a smart suit, high heels, make up and her hair is immaculate. Me I just drag a brush through mine.
“So, Lou what have you been up to? You are late tonight”
“I was enjoying the dusk, the time between day and night, sitting and watching life from Fern Hill”

Jonathan looked at me, “What life can you see from there?”
“The lights of the town and the cars, the people are like ants, but I like to sit and reflect at dusk and just watch”

“Lou is a very thoughtful person and also very talented, Jon. This lady has a bright future if she puts her mind to it” Jonathan just stared at me. He had an expensive private school and university education, there was no way he would understand my aspirations. All he saw was the dirty garden centre assistant now hungrily eating a roast dinner.

“I saw Robert today Lou, he was asking after you again.”
Robert was nice looking, tall, brown hair. I had maybe dismissed him to many times. I had never let him get to know me, too scared of being really hurt.
“Lou, you really should phone him, go for a drink, get to know him”
“Katie, sorry but I do not need relationship advice from you, sorry but I’m just not ready”

“Lou, Jack was months ago”
“It’s not Jack, he’s past history, that busty brunette is welcome to him, for now I just need time for me”
“Well don’t take too long about it, you need someone else who will sit and enjoy that time between day and night with you”
Jonathan just sat, looking confused as if he did not understand. He finds me strange, yes maybe I am.

Robert did seem like a nice person, he worked as a car mechanic, hard – working and quite sexy covered in oil. Hmm maybe Katie had a point. Maybe he had dreams too, maybe equally as lofty as mine. I finished my dinner thinking about this. That night I took Katie’s advice and texted him. He responded immediately as if he had been sat on his phone. We made arrangements for the following night.

We met on Fern Hill, we watched life below us, at dusk, the time between day and night. It was nice and as it was a little chilly he put his arm around me. I snuggled in, feeling his warmth. Feeling a contentment that I had not felt in months. Our future started here now, tonight at dusk.

Written for Blog battle – dusk

For more see, Feeling a sense of loss

This post on Care bear love and our nostalgia, contains affiliate links. Anything brought through it, at no extra cost to you, will earn me some commission that will help to pay for my blog.

So who remembers Care bear love? Their faces have changed a little over the years but they are still as cuddly today as they were when they were first made into cuddly bears by Kenner in 1983. They were then developed by American Greetings, Those Characters from Cleveland. Some of my bears are older purchased through ebay. My first care bear was Bedtime bear purchased around 2003. The care bear love and our nostalgia. have for me meant that my daughter now has a large collection. How can you not love the Care bears? The idea of the land of Care A lot up in the clouds with cute cuddly care bears watching over you.

As you can see, we have rather a lot of bears, I could not get them all in one photograph, Some are E-bay second hand and some are Amazon. My 5 year old adores them.

These bears were originally created in 1981 by artist, Elena Kucharik. to be used on American Greetings, greeting cards. They were a little later made into a TV show and then films, then toys. According to Wikipedia there are 218 care bears to date.

The photo above shows an earlier version of Share bear with her ice cream on her tummy. The large purple bear above is also Share bear but an updated Share bear. Over the years some of the belly badges have changed and bears have changed gender. Funshine bear was a female in the 1980s but in 2004 she became a boy. In the picture above is Playful Heart Monkey and Loyal Heart Dog who are both Care bear cousins, Here is a list of all the Care bears and Care Bear cousins.

Here you can see some of our large Care Bears. We have 9 in total. Good for mega cuddles!

Here is Good luck bear from about 2003 and older birthday bear, both with tags. White Tenderheart Care bear in the middle is special as he celebrates 25 years of the Care bears.

The Care bear love from our childhood is still here today as these bears are still as much loved. My daughter also has a Care bear duvet.

For me these bears are pure Care bear love and nostalgia. The short episodes and movies are always happy and positive. My favourite bear though is Grumpy bear. I can often empathise with his grumpiness, Cheer bear is always too happy for me. However, these bears do make me smile when I look at them, happy nostalgia.

As you can see above, there are also smaller care bears. Despite their size my daughter loves these too. Rainbow Care bear, purple with sparkly fur above, is another special bear, celebrating 35 years of the Care bear love.

Here you can see Lotsa Heart Elephant and again some older bears from 2003 as well as new.

The Care Bear cousins lived in the Forest of Feelings, (You tube video). The Care Bears lived on Care A lot, up in the clouds. The video gives me warm fuzzy feelings, “home is in your heart”. Trying to help children talk about their emotions.

In the UK the medium sized bears come with a DVD, I am assuming that this is the same in America.

We also have smaller plastic Care Bears, These are safely hidden in my daughters room at the moment.

If you have a young child or if you are reading this feeling nostalgic then Amazon have a lot of bears. Some of the bears out there are rare. I was hesitating to purchase Grams Care bear. There appears to be alot of old Kenner Care bears available.

As you can imagine when I have moaned previously about my daughters room being a mess. It is partially my fault as these bears live there too. However, they are very much loved.

So, do you have Care bears? Do you still have some from your childhood? Or have you bought one for your child or yourself? Is your child as mad on the Care bears as mine is? And are you as nostalgic as me?

For more see, 7 ideas for school holiday and our dramas