Love is hard

I sat in shock, what had he just said? We had been together for two years, he knew my hopes and dreams, my needs and my wants. He also knew that I would do almost anything for him. However, there are times when love is not enough, and some things will break you. Did you ever dream of what your life would look like when you are a grown up? Dreamed of your wedding? Horses and carts? Cathedral, church or registry office? White dress, cream or Ivory? Then kids or no kids? Career or stay at home mum, which could be argued to also be a career.

The times we had sat talking, discussed where we would live, I had even considered renting out my flat so I could be with him. Making the break was a painful one but also the right one. I had always imagined that I would have children, I wanted them more than anything. If I could not have had them naturally, I knew I would adopt. I needed to be with someone who had the same aspirations. Finding out that all he wanted was his career, he didn’t want children as they would just get in the way of his work. This news hit me hard, why had he not told me this before? Before I had fallen in love with him.

In my life, I think maybe I have felt love three times. They say that love hurts, well yes it does. Love involves a lot of work, but it needs to be worked at from both sides. I’ve been left broken hearted twice, I am grateful that I did the leaving both times, but it still really hurt. The feeling that a part of you is missing. Wanting to see that other person and wondering if you have done the right thing by ending it. The phone calls to go back to maybe reignite the relationship, then resisting the urge to listen and go back, to then be hurt further.

You know in your gut when something is over, you know when there is no going back. Life can be very hard and sometimes you may feel you are being tortured especially when you are left broken hearted. The fear that no one else will love you, the thought that you will grow old alone.

I believe there is someone for everyone, it is just finding the right man or woman for you. We are all learning as we go along. I’m sure my ex did not really see the break up coming in the way it did. Neither did I, it was sudden. I wanted children and he didn’t, there was no going back, the words had been said. There was no point in chasing a dream when we wanted different things. I am not sure if he is a dad now, good luck to him now if he is, but it obviously was not meant to be for us as I now have a husband that I love very much and two lovely children.

So how do you find Mr or Miss Right? Well, this is a difficult one. I met my first through a church youth group when I was just 15. Ending the relationship ten years later was a difficult one, we grew apart, but I still think of him as a friend. The second I met online and my now husband I also met through the internet. I fell for someone at work but that did not go anywhere.

Finding someone who loves you for you, who will accept your bad habits as well as your good. Who will support you through the good and bad times. A person who will not give up on you, this is love and it is hard work. Working together to raise children also adds more stress and pressure. It is no longer just the two of you, you now have another life who is wholly dependent on you. One advantage of the internet is you can get to know that person before you meet them. You already know important things like if they want children before you sit down and eat dinner together. When I met my husband, we had already discussed our dreams and family. We knew that we were headed in the same direction.

Children bring about a different love. I feel very proud when my husband is sat cuddled up with them. They both adore daddy, I sometimes feel more than mummy, but as my husband has often said, “daddy means fun and mummy means business”. I think he is right, it is often me that says no to things where daddy gives in. Right now, he is sat with the kids watching television. They are happily playing on the iPad and iPod. If daddy was at work today, I would not be typing this. They would not be playing on their gadgets. We might be sat under a duvet watching a film on Netflix or trying to do something constructive together. However, I am grateful that I can be sat here typing whilst daddy is looking after them.

It is all give and take, love must be worked at. Relationships and marriage are hard work and if one gives up it makes it harder for the other. I met a couple a few days ago in their 80s. They had been together since they were 15 and they will still finish each other sentences. I am sure they have not always had it easy. I am sure their relationship has been tested many times, but all I could say was “Wow”, they had been together over 65 years.

Being left broken hearted felt like the hardest thing in the world both times, but I learnt from both experiences. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens to us, we just don’t know why at the time. When you do meet that special someone though, remember to reciprocate and work together. Life can be hard, children will make it even harder, keep working at it together and if it is meant to me it will be. Look after and support each other, there is no greater love than the love of your children and the love you feel for your life partner.

For the Blog Battle word prompt for December 2018 – Heart

#BlogBattle: Heart

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See also, written for blog battle – educate,