Family
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Happiness and life
Happiness
What is happiness? Is it that overwhelming feeling you get when something good happens? Is it the smell of eggs and coffee as you wake up? Or the anticipation of something good happening soon, a holiday perhaps? Or the knowledge that all is well with your world? My image here shows my daughter standing on a bridge looking at a river. Was she happy? she was certainly relaxed.
We can all plummet from overwhelming happiness to huge sadness in a matter of seconds. Is it just the human condition or is it that the lives we all walk are rarely easy. I turn on my phone and glance at Facebook. All the happy faces, going about their happy lives. Are they happy? We all share with the world what we are prepared to show. This morning I took a photo of myself and my ten year old walking to school. Yes, we were happy in that moment, what it doesn’t show is my daughter’s possible anxiety about school and my thoughts of what I need to get done today. The thoughts of what I need to do and what I want to do. Currently I’m neglecting my tip of a house to write! My thoughts of losing my dad in 2020, yes, some wounds will never heal! Or my washing machine brain with all my personal anxieties about myself.
All of us have our own personal struggles, I don’t think anyone has it easy. What is life about? Are we all being challenged? Is it all some great long test? Are we all going to be sat in heaven sitting an exam one day about what we have learnt in our time on earth. Interesting thought but I hate exams!
Struggles and woes
Regardless of our struggles and woes, or all the good things that may be happening we al need time for self-reflection. Some of us don’t have that time, impossible you are possibly shouting at me! When life gets stressful, sometimes we need to step back. We need to see the bigger picture. In the moment a problem can seem huge! If we step back and ask ourselves, will this matter an hour from now? Will it matter in a week’s time? Do I really need to be putting all my energy into it? The issue might feel lighter and not weigh as heavily on your thoughts. I should be tidying and cleaning the lounge, but I know if I do by tomorrow afternoon it will look as bad as it does now.
This may be a bad example but I’m sure all of us have worried over things that hours / days later have resolved themselves and not been worth worrying over. They got this right in Disney’s – The Lion King – Hakuna Matata – no worries! I love this film!
We all, everyone of us, tries to strive for a happy life. I hear stories of those that have given up. Those that maybe have it harder than others and tried to battle through. Matthew Perry being an example of someone that many of us saw as Chandler Bing on friends and didn’t know the pain he was in until reading his Autobiography. Sadly now a huge loss as he was working so hard to help people with addiction issues, and loved by many as Chandler Bing who made so many of us laugh.
Happiness and our lives
I’m sure there are many others suffering that the world outside is not aware of. My message here is all of us are fighting a battle, we all have our struggles. We are all fighting for happiness, working hard to provide for our families. Helping with homework, worrying about our children – a very valid worry. I read an unhappy post on Facebook this morning and so many people have responded that she is not alone. Life’s challenges are sometimes just overflowing!
Problems
Some of our problems are bigger than others. My friend is about to move into a house with her two children that needs a complete replaster and a huge amount of work. There are no carpets, and the kitchen and bathroom are in a poor state. The positive is that she has a house and in the long term after all the work is done it will feel more of a home. In the short term she is leaving the comforts of her furnished flat for a huge amount of work and stress. She is not a DIY expert and I’ve offered to help paint. I’m not good at DIY either. In the short term she will be hugely overwhelmed but in the long term hopefully more happiness will follow.
Our lives are all evolving, and challenges ever coming. Today I phoned Sky mobile about a Sky phone swap. As the call finished, she tried to sell me a tablet. £3.66 a month sounds good but that is for 48 months – £175.68 – do I need a new tablet – No. Was I tempted – yes.
I look out the window at my garden, the weeds have taken over, and its cold outside. I’ve chosen to sit here on my laptop this morning and type instead. I need to write more! Having a tidy garden does bring me happiness but it also involves many hours of work. Remembering why I started this blog, it was due to the stresses of life. The ups and downs of a working mum. Putting things on paper – getting those negative thoughts out of your head can help find happiness! I also need to get back to writing my book, I haven’t looked at in months.
My dad
I’ve written quite a few blog posts about losing my dad to Pancreatic Cancer. My sister, Nicola is now fronting Pancreatic Cancer UK s no time to wait campaign in the UK. We are petitioning the UK government and collecting signatures. If you are in the UK please do sign the petition as every signature really helps. Nicola has been on the radio, the local news and to Westminster to help get our message across.
There is so much in life that we can dwell on, stress over, feel depressed over. If we all take that time to stop and step back, maybe many of us can find positives. I worry about working part time and letting my family down. However, I’m able to collect my daughter from school and have more time to help / nag over homework. However obviously if I worked full time I wouldn’t need to say no so often when the children ask for things – life is all about balance, but yes, it’s hard to get the balance right all of the time.
Positives in life
I’m now going to make myself another mug of tea and then find my twelve year old who is still on school holidays. Like I’m sure many twelve year old boys, he has shut himself in his room on the computer playing games, I need to drag him out but I know I’m unlikely to be successful!
So, what are your positives in life? Can you banish the blues and find happiness with all that is good? Life is short and if there is an exam at the end, I hope I do have all the answers.
For more see – A year today, I started writing my blog – poetry – Just muddling through life
This was written in 2019 – and 2023 has certainly not been as productive, hopefully I will do better in 2024.
Please note, as an Amazon affiliate, anything purchased through the Amazon links will help pay for this blog at no extra cost to you.
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Reading and new plans for 2022
A difficult year
2021 is over, 2022 has now begun. New resolutions, new hopes and new reading plans. Do you set resolutions? I personally do not. It would be nice to believe that 2022 will be a happier year. Surely it will be better then last. Worries over the rising energy price in the UK. Then calls for facemasks in secondary schools, rumours about primary schools. Talk now of not needing a PCR test following a positive LFT test. Different rules between England, Scotland and Wales. Does the news get any better? I never thought I would want to be injected, I’m scared of needles but I don’t want Covid.
Sat here now I’m sniffing, coughing and have a headache but LFT is negative. The last time a lot of us did tests like these we were willing for 2 pink lines. Weeing on a stick is a better experience then regularly putting a stick to the back of your throat and up your nostrils, I hate it. The latest is for daily LFT tests, I guess we all do what we can, but I don’t like the idea.
My blogs
2021 was a very quiet year for both my blogs, following losing dad, fundraising and walking took over. My dad loved walking so when walking I feel closer to him. I have wondered if he is with me, especially last year when I did 32 miles and got lost. Walking through the woods at night using my phone as a torch was a scary experience.
2021 was thirty stories in thirty days a challenge for a different story every night. Trying to think of a new story and writing it, I’ve always been a pantser, I had no time to plan them.
So, 2022, what now?
I’m hoping for a better blog year. I still want to fundraise so have tried to think of something different this year. Last year I walked over 1000 miles, this year I would like to do that again, but needed a new challenge.
Reading
I’ve been planning on reading the Lee Child, Jack Reacher books for a while, I found one in my Goodreads account tonight from 2018 unread. Realising that a Marathon is 26.2 miles and there are now 26 books in the series I thought of doing a reading Marathon for Pancreatic Cancer UK. I am also reading to the children every night and I have also found a book of Jack Reacher short stories. So, my Marathon will be over 26 books. I had set a goal of the end of May, I am now on book six, since 13th December 2021, so hoping this is realistic.
The children are still walking, though as they get older, I am having more regular arguments about computer games. Getting out in the countryside is always good, they both relax, and we usually have a good time. Cries of I’m tired and my legs hurt are eased with biscuits, chocolate and squash / water. Time outside is always good, its just motivating ourselves to get out.
My novel
I last looked at my novel in 2020. After losing dad I lost a lot of faith in my writing. The distractions of life, fundraising and Netflix took over. I know I need to go back over it, only I can bring my story to life, but it is a daunting prospect. It sits at about 70 000 words and needs rewriting. I set up Marianwood.com to focus on my writing, I know I need to get back to it. My Jack Reacher Marathon is not going to help that though.
Life is busy and there is so much that I would love to achieve. However, my priorities as always are to my family. The children are growing up and my ten-year-old changes school this year. New prospects, new plans and new challenges.
December 2022
I would love at Christmas to be able to say that I’ve completed my novel. To have read the forty five books that I’ve said I would read on Good Reads. In recent years I’ve struggled to read twenty. To have walked over 1000 miles again, plus work and life etc, yes, I’m possibly expecting too much.
So, what are your plans for 2022? Are you planning to be busy? or hoping for a quiet one?
Links to Pancreatic Cancer UK – A story a day in November
Please note last years fundraising page on the November stories, will still accept donations
A story a day for Pancreatic Cancer UK
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Raising money for Pancreatic Cancer UK
Pancreatic Cancer
Many of you will know that my lovely dad died last year from pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in July 2020, November 8th we lost him. We were all with him holding his hands as he took his last breath, it was awful. My dad was only 67 and he had many plans ahead of him. He went to his GP with back pain, a cancer diagnosis was the last thing on his mind.
My dad was always there for me, he was strong, he was everything a dad should be. Every day I think of him and everyday I want him back with me.
A week ago, I made the decision to join my two sisters walking for Pancreatic Cancer UK. Unlike other cancers a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer is usually fatal. Some people are gone in days from diagnosis.
Music
A while ago I bought myself a Blue-tooth headset as I was worried about the amount of time I spend talking on my mobile phone. I then purchased an MP3 player to go with it. Last week I went on my first longer walk of six miles and took my music with me. The joy of the open air, countryside, alone and listening to music is really cathartic.
On Saturday I walked ten miles, something I’m not sure if I’ve ever done in one walk. I put on my music and walked the long way to visit my dad. Once at the cemetery I spoke with him and invited him to walk back with me. I told him that I had my music playing but he is welcome to walk along beside me, he was a keen walker and I’m sad that he never walked with me around the places that I am now walking. A missed opportunity and I can never have that back.
I told him that if he had suggested a long walk to me, I would probably have refused, I am too lazy. Walking through the wood I caught my headset on a branch and it came off, not broken but for seconds I had silence. I wondered if he had played a part in removing it, or maybe it was just that I walked into a tree. He would have walked in silence and enjoyed it.
Two hundred miles in one hundred days
I had decided to walk one hundred miles in one hundred days, this was not high enough. I have changed my aim to over two hundred miles in one hundred days, I’m now not sure how high I should set it. I’m interested to see just how many miles I can walk. The children might still only manage nearer one hundred, they are doing their best.
We are on day nine and I’ve managed nearly forty-eight miles. The children have managed nearly seventeen. I have been walking in wellies, so my feet really hurt, but I’ve now purchased some walking boots so hopefully I will soon feel more comfortable.
We will continue walking, raising money is important to support research into this terrible disease. I am back at work tomorrow, after annual leave, so I doubt I will be able to reach one hundred by next Sunday, but I might be near eighty.
Nothing has changed for pancreatic cancer for forty years, now is the time for change!
Here is my just giving page if you would like to donate, thankyou!
Fund raising for Pancreatic Cancer UK
For more on my dad see, Loss of my lovely dad and my writing
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