Today was Monday and the last day of 2018. I struggled to get out of bed as I was the only one going to work.  We were woken by a little voice “daddy its 7.20 get up”.  I needed to get up and ignored the voice. Daddy told him to go back to his room.  He then sat on our bed and proceeded to play Minecraft.  Have you ever tried to fake sleep when you know that you need to get your lazy self out of bed and there is an annoying beeping noise going on from a computer game in the room?  I had to get up, I could not lie there any longer.

Once downstairs I made toast and had my breakfast. Soon after my 5 year old appeared fully dressed and then daddy. It was hard leaving the house as my heart was at home with my family however, it was also nice to have a little break from the noise and the child stress.  Nice to see another adult and have an adult conversation.

I then came back home, typed letters, sent emails and made phone calls.  I could hear my family and they were all too busy talking and playing to bother me which was good. I always find it hard returning to work after annual leave. I made my usual call to IT as my password had expired over the Christmas holiday and I could not log in.  I had a busy day and was relieved to finally turn off the laptop at the end of the day.

I finally went and found my family.  The kids day with daddy is very different to a day with mummy.  The television has been on all day and the children were on their gadgets for most of it. One day the children will get a shock as mummy and daddy will actually both be tough with the iPad at the same time.

My 7 year old proudly told me tonight that he was reading Roald Dahl, ‘Esio Trot’. I would really like both my children to enjoy reading.  Encouraging them to use their imaginations and enjoy what they are reading. I have always loved a good book but getting my children to turn off their gadgets and focus is difficult.

Last day of the year today seems unbelievable that 2018 only has 2 hours left.  Both children were hard work to get to bed tonight.  Our son went to sleep before our daughter. She came back downstairs at 9.30pm complaining that she did not have a pudding tonight.  After that, she carried her dolls upstairs two by two.

I wonder if the children will be any easier a year from now. I’m hoping that they are not harder.  We can only live day by day and do our best as parents.  Every day we do our best for them and work to give them the best we can.

Nearly the new year and we are sat here watching Louis Theroux. We have already heard fireworks outside. I wonder if there will be many here as the clock strikes new year.  However, we will definitely put BBC1 on near midnight to see the London Fireworks.  I’m sure London is very busy tonight as always.

Anyway, I am now going to go, my last day by day blog entry for 2018.  Tomorrow will be another year.  Happy new year to everyone! may next year be a good one.

I’m now going to get myself another drink, then try and rest before bed. Be ready for my job again in the morning of being mum.

Reading other people’s blogs I can see that December after Christmas is a time to look back over this year.  I only started my blog in October, so have blogged about very little that has happened to me earlier in the year, so here we go.

January and February 2018  – Very cold and snow, the children absolutely loved it, my car however didn’t. When the temperature hit minus 7, my car broke down on the main road.  Theory being that the supermarket diesel had frozen so when I started the engine the diesel blocked the fuel filter.  I had an ambulance driver and our Hermes delivery driver push my car to the side of the road, where it then sat for over 2 hours waiting for the breakdown truck.

This saga did continue but a few days later the car was fixed, new fuel filter, another breakdown truck and a day in the garage. I complained to the supermarket about their fuel and they kindly sent me some vouchers. I am praying this year that it really was the fuel, my car has had Esso diesel since that day because I do not want to break down again.

The cold was detrimental to my garden plants. My palm tree had had a fleece top on it but still died.  It’s replacement is now sat in my summer house. I’m not trusting it this year to the elements with just a fleece.

Asking daddy what has happened this year, he said nothing.  I think you very quickly forget events that have occurred. Things feel incredibly stressful whilst living through them but later forgotten.

March  – was Easter and we had the Easter bonnet and buggy parade at school.

April – I had started to write my book around October 2017, I purchased my laptop November 2017 to help me work on it.  Around April time I found some nice writing forums on Facebook which gave me encouragement to continue writing. I now got more of my book written and looked at writing short stories.

My daughter also had Chicken pox.  She was covered from head to toe in spots and very itchy. We were all relieved when they finally went away.

May – I decided to create a pond in the garden.  I bought some pond plants of Amazon which my 5 year old then 4, threw around the garden and destroyed. I have not replaced them.

June –  was the children’s birthdays.  Yes we timed having our children well, their birthdays are about 2 weeks apart.

July – more short stories written, it might have been the time I found Reedsy writing prompts and signed up to receive their emails.

August- school holidays and we visited some castles together.  The children can be good when their brains are occupied.

September – the children started new school years. Year 1 and year 3, my daughter is improving with her reading slowly. My son continues to do well but both kids continue to get me very stressed. They are getting older but their behaviour is not improving,

I now started to really feel that I needed to do something else.  I work part time and I do not feel I could commit more hours to full time. Then I started to look at writing and what I could do.  This finally led to me finding word press in October, writing my first blog entry and entering into the blogosphere.  Whether my book will eventually be finished and published , I hope so, but I do at least have my blog and people reading what I have to say.

October  – I started my blog,  – first blog post ever

Then my  – 1st poem on my blog

It was also the time of – halloween and pumpkins

Then – Losing the car keys thanks to our 5 year old

My first short story on Lornas Gin and Lemonade blog at the end of October – https://ginlemonade.com

The worst road trip we have ever had

And my first short story for blog battle in November – https://blogbattlers.wordpress.com

https://justmuddlingthroughlife.co.uk/2018/11/13/a-fork-in-the-road/

Does anyone else feel like all their hair might suddenly fall out? or just the feeling of giving up and going back to your warm comfortable duvet?  A need to shut out the world and find you, find some inner peace, be able to truly relax.  I am not sure when I last really relaxed, life’s stresses feel continuous and we seem to face one problem straight after another. This year I had the problems with the car tyre, unplanned expense and the children just being them.  I would love my children to behave, when will that happen?

This morning we have taken daddy to work then visited Morrisons on the way back.  My 7 year old wanted to carry the basket. We needed bread and milk, I put the milk in the basket and instead of letting me hold it he then started racing up and down the supermarket like a dog, on his hands and feet.  My daughter found this very funny, I didn’t but despite my shouting, they would not stop.  At the self- checkout, they kept climbing on the conveyor belt and then racing around. Another shopper told them to stop and listen to their mum.  They ignored him and carried on.  Is this just me?

Are anyone else’s children as bad?  As we walked past the dry cleaners they insisted on ringing the bell, the poor lady was trying to work.  Putting the children in the car my son then starts shouting that my daughter has taken sweets.  Just a bit late once we have left the shop, I’m sure they can not be returned to stock.   So rather then tears and an argument and walking back in the shop I left it. I told her that mummy could go to prison, this did not phase her.  Once home my son knocked them out of her hand and they went all over the path.  I told her that it served her right for taking them but my son should not have knocked her.  How cruel can big brothers be?

At this moment they are climbing in the front room and I have just pulled my daughter off the piano.  They will not just sit nicely, however, they are at least playing together.

So how was our Christmas?  Christmas day was lovely, it was just us and despite the trainset over the front room and both mummy and daddy eating too much, whilst the kids refused dinner, it was a lovely day.  I love days where I can just stay in my pyjamas and not worry about going anywhere. In my mind, Christmas day is one of them.  A day with close family especially when the children are small and just want to play with their new toys.

We had Grandma here on boxing day so I had to get dressed and was not able to just relax.  I’m not a big fan of entertaining,  I’m not good at being entertained either. I get very stressed and very anxious.  Is anyone else here like me? The nerves start to go as soon as the invite is made.  For me, heaven is staying at home with my family, just us, I can be me.  Daddy doesn’t care that I’m still in my pyjamas or whether my hair is greasy and messy.  Staying at home there is no need to put on a front for the world.   Next year I have been told we are not having Christmas at home, I am already worrying about it.

So just before Christmas my blog became self-hosted, I have had a few issues but the lovely man at Lyrical Host has been fantastic.  He even helped me Christmas day and Boxing day.  I also made the decision to try and monetise it, so I have now joined the Amazon associate affiliate scheme.  I have so much to learn if this blog is going to make some money, even a little profit would be nice.

Yesterday after a conversation on Facebook I decided to change my Twitter username and then I regretted it.  I opened my Twitter account in 2010 as EyeOfMazz because I am a big fan of Jackie Chan. He is EyeOfJackieChan, hence a lot of his fans on Twitter have EyeOf in their username.  I changed my name, then I opened another account.  Then Twitter blocked the second account and I unblocked it.

Lying in bed last night, I thought what have I done? I want my old name back. So then went back on to the laptop and deactivated the second account.  Then tried to change my username back.  Twitter would not allow it, saying it is not available.  I then logged back into the second account and changed the username there. I was surprised it let me as it had been deactivated.  Then back into the first account and it still says not available. So my Twitter username is now EyeofMazz, with a small o.

I am guessing that Twitter have suspended the EyeOfMazz username. When contacting Twitter I just get a computer. Yes, I got myself in quite a tangle here.  Blame sentimentality and not being able to let go, but it has frustrated me, nothing in this life seems to be straightforward.  If anyone has an easy answer on how to fix this please do let me know.

Today my 7 year old has thankyou letters to write to family and I still need to build an elf with my 5 year old.  I caught her yesterday climbing in our bedroom taking jewellery.  Yes a common theme of taking, I really hope that she does grow out of it.

This evening we have to go to my uncle’s for dinner and the anxiety has already started. The children are now demanding my attention.  I keep telling myself that I need to enjoy every minute with them as they are not small for long, this is as my 5 year old is now sat on my lap reaching for the keyboard and whining.

Hope you are all having a good day and have had a lovely Christmas.  This is my last day off as back to work on Monday. The Christmas holidays have gone to fast. Anyway, I am now going to go as both children are demanding food and continue with my job of being mum.

For another Christmas post see, https://justmuddlingthroughlife.co.uk/2018/12/04/christmas-stresses-anyone-stressed/